forgetful

Suddenly..

i forgot lots of things...

i forgot to smile
i forgot to laugh
i forgot to be happy
i forgot everything.....

and i want to forget everyone too...

why is it everything seems very painful right now?

Being love...it is a pleasant feelings..but it hurts like A LOT...
Being cared...we should be grateful for that...but all i felt is grief..
Being offered a TRUST...it is a big responsibilities plus an honour....
and again, another BUT....i felt sad...
a slightest care showed, will send me away...
when tears falling down..
i started to hate myself again...
you are WEAK!too WEAK!

they said i am a strong girl...
i said...i am nothing without you guys...
but still
i wonder why i choose this path...
making mistakes and screwing up everything
this is not me..

Berkebaya ke Pasar Malam.....

korang penah tak rasa malu??
hehhe
mustahil la tak penah rasa malu kan?
kalau tak de rasa malu dalam diri..
haaaaa there must be something wrong..
beh bek cepat-cepat check balik kat mana silap...

XD

ohh hari ni rasanya
cik hijabalam da memalukan diri sniri...
wawawawawawa

hari sabtu 27/11/10 hari yang sangattt laaa banyak kenduri....
cik hijabalam pun merantau gi kenduri sampai kat perlis nu haa...
pas tu balik alor star ada lagi kenduri yang kena pegi..
pegi kenduri pakai lawa-lawa normal la kan....
hehhe

tapi part yang tak berapa normal tu bila
cik hijabalam diturunkan perintah titah 'diraja' untuk pergi ke pasar malam..
ari ni pasar malam kat area pizza hut mergong tu...
right after balik dari kenduri...
terus mama cik hijabalam nak singgah pasar malam...

ohh mama x turun..
dia suruh cik hijabalam je turun....

GOSH!!
can you imaginee???
with 3inch heels, baju kebaya dan bergaya sakan..
tiba2 berjalan2 dalam pasar malam...

selalunya gi pasar malam ni pakai sluar track n shirt sudah la kan...
ni cik hijabalam pakai kebaya wooo p pasar malam....
malu nya tak usah cakap....
jalan menonongg jee cari barang yang dikehendaki dan trus naik kereta semula....
wawawawawa

most of the people dalam pasar malam tu asik usik cik hijabalam...
ada yang tengok cik hijabalam macam cik hijabalam ni tengah bwad fashion show dalam pasar malam tu....
nak nangiss je rasa wehh...
maluuu!!!!

soooooooo

TIPS when you have to go to a place where your apparel is not suitable with that situation :

1. Smile
2. Be confident
3. Pretend as if you are in a HURRY
4. Dont make much eye contact with your surrounding.. *jalan menonong* orang kedah kata... XD
5. when people teased you...just act cool~ kalau rasa mood ari tu nak pukoi orang...JUST do IT...


hahahha

p/s : TIPS based on personal experience... :P

when their emotion affected yours.....

can you recall anyone in your life
friends,families or might be someone just by the roadside who can influence your emotions?
haaa
think people think...

this is my lovely beloved peoples ^^

i just love them...you hurt them,means you hurt me...
you mess with em means you are messing with me...

anyway....
do you realize one thing?
that, not everyone can influence your emotions?
usually, if someone can influence your emotions through his/her emotions that means, they are really important for you....
do you remember how many friends/families are important in your life?
and the most important thing....
Did you tell them that they are important to you?
haaaa! if you havent tell em, dun forget to express it all okeh?
you dont need GIFTS to tell em on ur behalf that you loved and cared about ur friends and families...

BUT...
do you know one thing about MALAYSIAN PEOPLE???
We always talk or recognize others bad side...
but we never tend to praise or appreciate the good side of others...
how may of you agreed with that??!!

didnt agree?
okay....
let us do the checklist for friends/families... :

1. when you see your friends/family members dressing nicely..beautifully...handsomely...do you praise?
2.When your friends/family members help you in *anything*.... do you thank them and tell em what good quality/ies has/have been portrayed by them?
3.if they(friends/family members) smile,did you say nice words such as "you look sweet when you smile..."

*okeh that is the example of questions you can ask yourself...

well...
make changes today...
dun expect others to change..
let us starts with our own self first...

Jangan jadi typical malay yang suka cari salah orang...
bila kita nampak kesalahan...try to think of a solution instead...
dun condemn others..
say nice words *tp jgn la fake sangat kawan2*
korang tahu kan,hanya dengan menggembirakan hati orang2 skeliling pun kita leh dapat pahala?
let us starts with a small thing ok?
cheers!

pen off*sleep*

JIN TONCIT!

baby are you down down down down down.....

YES I AM DOWN.....

feeling demotivated and feels like being downgraded...
hah!
satu je soalan aku nak tanya....
walaupun takde sape nk jawab kt sini...
tapi aku nk juga tekan papan kekunci ni sampai tahap nak pecah *sebab geram!!*
HURMPHHHHHHHHHH!!!

KENAPA...
KENAPAAAA setiap MANUSIA yang AKU BERKAWAN....
MESTI ada KORANG KAT BELAKANGGG?????????!!!
korang kalau normal cam manusia2 lain..aku x kisah taw x...

Sejarah berulang............
Maaf...
saya tawar hati...sedih.....
tapi tak kuasa nak mempertahankan diri.......
nak bawa diri je....
do what you like.....

For you friend :
i want to be your true friends...
tapi dengan adanya mereka2...

hmmmm

it will be better if there is a gap between us....
ape pun....

you are a really one nice friends...
i wont forget u as my friends...
there is no one like you, a FRIEND who can make me smile like before...

i guess Allah only borrow you for me just for a while....
ape pun...

THANKS....

Lafazkan Kalimah Cintamu

jasa baik incik Google

heyya readers...
well dalam sibuk2 kemas rumah..cik hijabalam sempat lagi menghabiskan buku ni dalam masa roughly 10hrs..
cerita dia sangat menarik..
tapi cik hijabalam bukan nk mengulas lanjut pasal jalan cerita novel ni...kalau nak tahu gi la baca sniri...

soo....
hmm
after effect of reading this book...
cik hijabalam sekarang rasa sgt prejudice terhdp kaum lelaki dan penuh dgn rasa marah dan benci.....
eh korang jangan salah sangka pulak...
ending novel harusla happy ending kan...
tp tu la...
i still feel skeptic...
ohh that is not a new behaviour...

there's one moment where sum1 close to me used to said WHILE LAUGHING kan...
'haha bahaya la budak ni...sangat skeptical....trust me plzz...dah sampai tak tahu beza between jokes and fact'
*oh x perlu la korang tawu wut has happened kan..kejadian berlaku dalam bas...*
org yg ckp tu org yg quite close with me and the one i trust la...

I owez remember his words...
'tahap skeptical budak ni bahayaaa nii...kak..jgn skeptic sgt..learnt to trust people..nant makan diri'

and i owez hear it rewinding in my head thousands of time everytime i am required to trust others...
hmmm

apa kaitan dgn novel and sifat sketical cik hijabalam?
huhuhuh

walaupun hanya dengan membaca...cik hijabalam punya tahap benci dan trust kat lelaki tu da jatuh tangga bawah dari negatif taw..and it scares me too...
i dun like it when i felt that way...
it shows that i am not being grateful..
i am not willing with the TEST gave by ALLAH...

okkk!!Okkkk!!stop preaching..
i believes human were given emotions to learn sumting from it also kan...
i need to take my own sweet time in dealing with this negativeee feelingssss kan....

neway this things of skeptical feelings continued when i went for a compulsory camp for TESLIANZ students....
and this times it relates with my leadership quality as well as my personal development...

hmmm...
dun ask...
i am disappointed with myself...but no worries..
i do learn a lot from all the activities...


p/s: i am a professional lady ok..the feeling of skepticality only applied when it comes to personal life situations...in works..i wont put in my hatred towards men together with the work....

'RAIN+BOWS'

there's nothing but crappy things..

seyesly i really wanna write sumting meaningful in here...
but then due to the time constraints...
i hardly has time to think deeply and spill it in here....

Chores to be done while i am home :

1. House cleaning *like DAILY!*

2. Picking up stuffs from old house to the new house *DAILY also*

3. Paint the kitchen and bedroom *oh i'll be doing it alone...and it might take like 2-4 days?*

4.Relatives visiting during raya *it add up to my house chores of preparing and cleaning around the house*
5.Some time for friends *very lil time spends*
6.Time for myself to rest *ohh i think i already forgot what REST is...*
7.Things to be settled by this Nov, move out all the things in the old house to the new house... *i'm DEAD!*
8.Blogging? *ohh havent have time for that yet*

Conclusions : i'll be blogging when i am really2 free...

qurban

Now ask yourself, is Allah watching you,is He satisfied - Is Allah satisfied

Qurban.Pengorbanan.

What does it means to you?
it's not just about celebrating the Eid of Haj....
it is more than that...
If we look back to our prophet's history in qurban,
then we can see how great is their faith in God..
*ok you can read about qurban by yourself*

So, readers,
can you think of any of your sacrifices in life?
Have you sacrifice something for the sake of others?
Especially for others happines?
i BET everyone does rite...
'sacrifice' is sumting that we owez do even without us realizing it...
from a very small thing to a big things that can influence our life...
forfeiting for others happiness...
forfeiting for Islam...
Forfeit...
that is what life is about....
sharing our blessed life with the unfortunate one...
and it can be in many ways aite??
;)


p/s : feeling lazy to elaborate bout what i've been tru today..
enjoy the pix first ^^
tired la...

jangan x tahu..
i've been babysitting these two cute lil girl when i went to Baling.
my nieces
alya qistina and qaisara(adik)

 i siap tlg suapkan makan lagi taw..

cam x pecaya je i mampu layan bebudak..

XD

ohh! they harassed  this baby XD

incik Kayzier

rasa macam nak buat kerja gila

nk melamar kekasih hati 

dan tamatkan segala kekusutan

eh bukan melamar jd boyfriend...
nak melamar jdkan dia suami XD

ohhh menyelesaikan masalah ke merumitkan masalah?

huuhuhuuu

really wish everything will be settled by this year jugak....
tinggal sebulan lebih je lagi....
Allah,guide us plz...
give us both clear answers.....

seyesly..i dun know why i really need to know the truth for evrything....
kepada Allah aku berlindung...
huhuhu
setiap yg baik adalah ilham dari Mu...

p/s: sumwhere out there,there will owez sumbody/sum1 who will accept and love you for who you are...will owez stand there and happy to see you back no matter how much mistakes or arguments occurs...
reasons?no reasons for that..only Allah has the answer...

janji oh janjii

salam readers ^^

gosh seyesly x tenang jiwa selagi x langsaikan janji...

huhuhu
before i was off for BTN last week, i've made a promise to you guys aite...

what?
you couldnt remember??
hmmm let us recall your long lost memory back ^^ ...

haa da ingat??
blurr ek? hehehe

well well readers, mmg la blur cuz the one you read just now is the big topic...
to be exact, i've promised you guys to talk about this thing...

hmmmmmm

oOoopss!aaa terlebey sudaa....
hmm
ok2

the story starts like this...
well,
it was a disastrous day for Alor Star's citizen...
suddenly we were asked to evacuate our home due to the fast current of water flowing right from Jln Sultanah...
In just in an hour, the water level rose to the knee level...
fast and scary i would say....

First thing first for everyone to save is their VEHICLES....
Everybody was busy making sure their cars,motorcycles, bicycles etc2 to be out from the flood area...
The nearest place to park 'them' is at our next neighbourhood...
Taman Medah fasa 2 and the new taman that i never ever have the curiosity to know what its name is...
ok bad me! XD

ok2 back to the topic...
so we park there...
near the masjid pknk already since it is full houz...

gmbar hiasa je..
tapi korang byg2kan la cane parking kt housing area kan...

anyway, we still use our common sense la..
xkan nak parking depan pagar rumah orang kan..
how will the owner nak get out from his houz kan...
harus la we olzzz parking atas divider jalan dan TAK BLOCK laluan orang lain...

and the best part is....
you know whatt??
there is one hamba allah yang sangat tak bersyukur sebab rumah dia tak kena banjir kann ......
dia leh sound one of my penduduk taman for parking in front of and near his houz...
WTF???

orang tgh2 darurat....
bukan nak tolong....
dia just duduk diam2 dalam rumah....
layan tv...
not even asking how r u doing....
goshhhh
tak de inisiatif for atleast nak menjenguk jiran tetangga yang kesusahan kt luar tu ha..
nowadays, semangat kejiranan da lupus bersama arus kemodenan...

budi bahasa mau ada beb~

Melayu oh melayu...
di mana adat dan budaya yang kita junjung???
tak considerate langsung...
sampai xleh tumpang parking tepi umah die..
isk2...


this incident was being told to us (neighbours) when we were resting at the flood centre....
i felt very sad....
ye la..
at leats i am still lucky cuz i have another houz to turn to when we were asked to evacuate kan..
but the rest of my neighbours,
they slept under the stars accompanied by the moon...
*haa amek kau bahasa!bunga melayu jadi inggeris XD*

luckily there is someone who is considerate enof to set up a tent for the ladies to rest...
and that particular pakcik yang x considerate tu hanya tengok dan x membantu pun walaupuan
the tent was set up right in front of his houz...

Musibah dah melanda tetapi masih ramai yang belum sedar peluang yang ALLAH bagi untuk kita perbaiki diri kita...
Ujian diturunkan untuk kita rebut peluang untuk tambahkan iman...

tak gitu?
correct me if i am wrong...

berkhayal dan bermimpikanmu

ya Allah..rasa apakah ini...

aku lemas dalam rasa yang kau hadirkan ini...

aku kah merindu atau hati ku kau palu....

stop it plz...

you are hurting me badly....

dun just call my name..

appear in front of me plz...

Game is OVER....

stop hurting each other...

sakitt..... :(

Back!!!

I'm back!!! :)
huhuhu
i'm not feeling very well..

but it's okay..
ujian susah senang,sakit dan sihat adalah tanda allah sayang :)

hmmmm

i really have lotsa things to be said..
but i dunno which one to start first..
well as all of u know..
i'm not feeling very well..

but i still remember my promise with you...
Insyaallah i'll tell you guys about it in the next2 entry okeh?? :D

rite now..
there is someone that is playing around,under,on,up,out,in (ape lagi preposition yg ada?sila pk2kan) in my mind...
i want to make this entry short and simple..
my mind couldnt work and process any linguistic skills to make complex sentences...

one thing that i've been thinking rite now..
i've been giving hint and clues all this time...
no wonders it does not work..
i should be frank and tell what my heart holds all this time...

but honestly...i am afraid to do so..

i believes in Allah..
and i believes,the chances will come if it is meant for me..and.......

if it wasnt..

i should be grateful and verily to Allah for all that happens....

i really want to speak my heart out..
but i am afraid with the response...
somehow i do believes, we still have the sixth sense connections.

listen to my heart cuz i dun have the courage to speak your language..

Mirror

it's a boring one..

you can click X if you dont want to read this...

it is nothing but my feeling of guilty...

H always be the mirror of my love story with F...

and H was and will always be there whenever i'm in trouble...

yes! TROUBLE....whenever there is trouble, he will be there to support me..

but some how....

H is the only person yg i treat really badly..

i really mean it...BADLY...

i never shared my HAPPY PART OF LIFE with him...

being together with H is whenever i feel bored and stress with F *back then*

jahat kan?

i knew him in the year 2007 till now 2010..it's about 3-4 years...

he is nice..he is sweet..he is good looking bla bla bla x larat nak list out...

but then, my heart still cant accept him...

and he did asked me to be his GF...

but again..i DONT WANT TO...

i dont want to be in relationship..

and selagi dia x dengar i said YES...

selagi tu dia keep asking..

including just know...its the 7th time he asked me to be his special.

H : i wanna asked you sumting..

ME : ape?

H :are you single?

ME :hmm yerp..something wrong with that?

H : well, H nak jadikan Az x single dah..leh ke?

LAUGHING and SMIRKING when i read his msg..

WTH?gila..hmm aku sgt pessimist when it comes to him..

and still i dont know why

i dont think its HIM that is the problem..

its me...me myself does not want to be in relationship..

its clear doesnt it?

soo it goes like this

Me : hmm?oo kalau serious, g masuk minang..off topic..tu pun kalau rasa i'm qualified enough to be your queen lah..

padahal nak cakap..aku tamaw!!  and with high hope dia akan back off bila baca word TUNANG...

H : oo kena masuk meminang trus ek??hmm Az,H seyes ni..it's been four years of waiting..iznt dat enough to prove my feelings?

and wut did i reply?

*sorry tgh meeting..talk later*

off discussion...and even after i finish the cohort meeting,still didnt reply his text..

kalau serious..do it in serious way lah..

its not enof juz by saying u love me..

i dun want to feel being loved only...

i have enough love given by fam and friends..

i wanted to feel being wanted and needed...

and maybe if sumone out there manage to give me these two things,i might accept him with Allah's will...

i'm being cruel kan?but i never asked him to wait for me..i do feel guilty about it..i've told him not to wait for me...but he insists of doing so..and i oso tell him that dun hv a high hopes for my love..im afraid i wont be able to like you..or love you... *YEAH SANGAT FRANKLY SPEAKING*

and he still said..

its ok...bagi la chance kat H...i'll prove 2 you that i'm better than F

and i was like WTH????

you are H!!so you wont be able to be F..

just be yourself!

i wont compared you with F...because you are for yourself..not for what i want you to be...

hmm

keliru dan malas nak pk..

i dunno how to reject him anymore..

mati akal nak bwad alasan...

cakap direct tak paham..cakap berkias pun tak paham

aku yang rasa bersalah taw x?

i dont want to treat you badly..

but at this time i wont be able to accept you H...

this entry is here because i feel guilty...

i'm no good pun..

sifat?banyak kekurangan

rupa paras? byk lagi yg cantik2 at ur place..choose them lah

i'm a person with lotsss of things to be repaired back..sgt banyak kelemahan..

x layak unt sesapa.. *yes, i have low self esteem when it comes to this*

my presence will only caused trouble in your life * i mean it*

i already forgot how to love somebody *lame excuses*

i know that...

but i dont want to remember what and how it feels to fall in LOVE again..

if we're meant to be together,then we will be together...

ONE DAY LATER...NOT NOW....

oh panjang umur dia..dia da text.. ~_~" asking whether my meeting has finished..

hmm

pura2 tdow..

switch into silent mode..

maaf..i dun know how to respond to your questions..

atleast, i am being true to you that i wont be able to love you and i am able to reason it out...

i already reason out kan yesteryears? huuu

do forgive me...

what's up?

i've been very busy

 due to the natural disaster *natural ke??* that hit my housing area...

hmmm

i'm off and away from keyboard for a while ...

especially blogging..

lots of things to settle while i'm still in Alor Star...

well well readers..

on the 8th of nov-12 nov i'll be off to BTN at Selangor...

huhuhuhu soo i'll be invisible again...

huk2

i really want to share sumting with you guys 

regarding the legendary flood that hit A.Star...

it's bursting inside of me..

hmmm

it's the other point of view..

how human become A HUMAN or INHUMAN..... *is there such thing as inhuman?* XD

PREVIEW?

heeehee

it's about 

hmmm

...

oh gosh!

wth am i ranting ?

huk2

i'll tell on my next entry...

for now, 

keyboard off..

bed time story

 XD

maybe i'll update it after i'm back from BTN...huk3

Legendary Flood

yerpp readers...

i am among the victims of legendary flood in Alor Star

around 3pm

Luckily 

i have friends who are willing to lend their hand and help me out at this critical time

thz guys..

rasa nak nangis seh korang sanggup datang tolong...

huuuuu 

Only Allah can repay ur deed friends..

the view of taman medah

around 6pm

p/s: current news from my dad at 8am 5th nov 2010 - the water getting high and already flooded the house...

feeling sad and worries..

tomorrow i have to go back to the institute..

we have to get ready for our BTN...

may Allah secure my family.. T.T

bertabah ye all my friends...

almoz all of my friends' houses flooded..

wut do u expect?

all of em live nearby kan..

harusla join venture banjir skali.. 

sabar ye kawan2..

we have to be strong for our family... 

:(

courage or pride?

Finally,
I managed to reply his msg with a simple words
"sentap sungguh ayat anda"
heh~ if he can ever understand it...

Now, it is not about courage anymore..

it's about pride..
i do have courage to do more than you can imagine...
but there is always an invisible line that is separating us...
and as if there is such thing as US anymore....

a new life begun the moment you wake up
and i wish i could do that..
but then,
the moment i woke up,
the first thing i notice is the pain in my heart...

geezz i guess this is one of the fc's for my health prob..

"But if I let you go,I will never know, What my life would be..."

"Night after night, I hear myself sayin´ , Why can´t this feeling just fade away? "
Allah...
that's all i can say...

"Ujian adalah guru yang tidak bercakap, tetapi ia sangat mengajar dan mendidik. Ujian terkecil apalagi terbesar adalah takdir Allah. Yang mempunyai maksud tertantu. Kerana jahilnya kita, apabila ditimpa ujian samada secara langsung dari Allah atau melalui orang lain, kita mula melatah. Terasa Allah tidak adil, sengaja hendak menyusahkan kita. Atau kita menyalahkan orang yang mendatangkan ujian tersebut. Hati berdendam hati buruk sangka pada Allah yang mendatangkan ujian itu."

On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

Al-Baqarah verse 286

with this as a reminder to myself...

be strong lady...

God love ya...

Jangan nak memberontak okeh?

Ujian sebenarnya melatih kita untuk mendapatkan sifat-sifat yang terpuji. Sabar, redha, tawakkal, baik sangka, mengakui diri sebagai hamba yang lemah, mendekatkan diri dengan Allah, harapkan pertolongan Allah....

Firman Allah dalam Surah Az Zumar;10 yang maksudnya:

     “Sesungguhnya diberi ganjaran orang sabar dengan pahala tanpa hisab.”

kecil atau besar dugaan seseorang itu dan dalam apa juga bentuk pun...latih diri untuk jadi penyabar...

this is your training ground before you can go to heaven...

aku bukan aku

amarah meraja..
akal menikus...
sebal terasa dengan diri sendiri...
rasa yang terpendam begitu membara...
dendam...
membuak-buak tidak dapat dibendung...

tuhan,
sedarkan aku dari mimpi ngeri ini..
dekatkan aku denganMu...
hati,sejukkan dikau dengan zikrullah...
jangan di ikut hati yang panas
jangan di layan rasa dendam...

aku bukan aku

10 MINUTES

Happy habis exam =)

tapi sekejap je...

tak sampai 10 minit..

SENTAP!

Aku tersilap langkah!

 =(        ......

ye! BODOH....

Bodoh sebab engkau berpegang dengan happiness..

WAKE UP IDIOT!!!!

when will i understand ENOUGH mean ENOUGH????

what can i do to make everything better??

i wont take REVENGE..

i wont HURT others....

then..

i will hurt my own self...

sighh~