dugaan lagi

Ya Allah..sesungguhnya dugaanMu kali ini sekali lagi menguji keimanan hambamu ini...
masih bersisakah kekuatan di dalam diriku untuk menempuhi dugaan ini?
Acapkali aku kehilangan yang tersayang...
Munafiknya aku andai aku mempertikaikan dugaan mu ya allah...
tetapi jauh di sudut hati...aku merasa lelah...
apa aku tidak layak untuk menyayangi orang sekeliling ku?
Ya Allah..andai ujian ini yang kau turunkan...
berikan aku kekuatan untuk redha dan sabar dengan dugaan mu Ya Allah...
kau bukakanlah jalan terbaik untuk menamatkan ini semua Ya Allah...
atau sekali lagi aku harus mengundurkan diri?
Ya allah..berikan petunjukmu ya allah....

sakit kaki...

malam ni...
aku star gazing...
tepi laut mengadap jerejak...
sambil layan perasaan makan ais krim....jiwa rasa tenang sket tgk bintang2 di langit
melihat kebesaran illahi...
INDAH...sangat indah...

dan keindahan itu disulami tragedi aku terjatuh kt atas batu2 tu..
kaki terlekat celah batu....
naseb baek x tersembam..
pendengar cerita aq da cuak tgk aku jatuh...
"hang ok dak?"
aku bwad x reti soalan dia...
masih cuba nak cabut kaki yg terlekat celah2 batu tu...
x leh nk kuar kaki dari celah batu2 tu...
sakitt...sebab tersagat dengan batu2 tu...
tapi...x mampu nak nangis...
aku gelak....
gelak sungguh2...
gelak sebab aku jatuh...
gelak sebab aku rasa sakit akibat jatuh....
gelak jugak sebab tak tahan rasa sakit2 yang aku rasa luar dan dalam...

time tu..dalam dok gelak..
kaki ku dapat diselamatkan...
haha dan terus gelak sampai aku rasa tetiba da x sesuai nak gelak...
aku tanya 'ada orang nampak x aku jatuh?hopefully xdak yang nampak'....
haha pendengar setia aq dari risau tumpang sekaki gelak kat aku..
hahaha

haishhh walaupun da sembang panjang...
aku masih x nampak jalan keluar...
sooo lady, u should n must hang in there...
be strong ok?
^^

CONVENTION : Nurturing Intellectual Mind

Intellectual Convention

1st session with Prof Emeritus Tan Sri Dr. Khoo Kay Kim

Group discussion

Presenting our group resolution ^^

Bergambar kenangan bersama group mate

The future teachers ^^

Kak diela, Azie, Abg mierul (cohort5), Abg Haniff, Ipei and Kaber

The participants of the convention

memories... ^^

Nanti bila ada free time..i will include the knowledge i've learnt ok?for the time being, only pictures are being uploaded....same with the entry regarding Teater muzikal.. ^^

Teater Muzikal Tun Mahathir

sorry?

"He called my name again and again and try to catch my hand...but it is too late...i run and continue running...i can feel the pain in my heart even though it was just a dream"

6.30AM
i woke up and look at my handphone...
got two miss call and 1 messaged...
the call was from anwar..and the message was regarding the news of bro fath's (teyl c4) father passed away...
Al-fatihah....

after reciting doa to his father...i went numb...
my mind starts concentrating on what i was dreamin just now...
i think the moment i woke up..the dream is still crystal clear...but after my mind was bz reading the msg from Er, i kinda forgot what was i dreaming just now...

took me 5-10 minutes to think back about my dreamin...
and when i managed to recall my dream again...
i felt sum kinda pain deep in my heart...
i dreamt of him...
felt guilty...izit bcuz i get mad at him last nite?
huhuhuhuh

6.40am...
get up from my bed and do my usual routine...
class..discussion...meeting..bla2....

10.00am
i check my watch to see the date...
its stated 1/10/10......
gosh!suddenly my heart start beating very fast....
if today is 1st of october...
then yesterday was 30th sept...
and..........
demn i cant remember what should happen last nite..but my heart said it is an important date in my life....
after settling myself in the library...
i went facebooking and check his profile...
"shoot!!!its his birthday!n i'm fucking forgot!"
felt really guilty tho....

there's no words to describe the pain i felt inside....
till i dun have the appetite to eat....
but still, i forced my self to eat lah since i have gastric kan....

while doing the discussion..i felt sad... disappointed with myself...
'how can u forget it azie!' but then..on the other side...
'good job!u forget his day being born'

i stayed silent and lost the 'happy' mood...
knowing and remembering that yesterday was his day...and
with the post 'are you that dumb' plus the dream i dreamt about.....
it really hurt me...
i'm bleeding again...
kau jahat la azie....
sangat jahat....
that is not the rite gift to give on his day....
=(( and with this post..
i wanna wish him

['happy birthday mnf....semoga allah panjangkan umur supaya dapat menambahkan ilmu dunia akhirat'

jangan lupa solat...jadilah seorang muslim yang menjadi khalifah terbaik untuk keluarganya...doa saya sentiasa menemani awak..insyaallah...

and if u read diz...and the previous post..i know u will felt demotivated and frustrated with my attitude...

but atleast i'm trying to express what i felt..cuz if u really know me..then, u will know that i won't let doz kinda stuff comin rite and fresh from my mouth....i wont be able to say doz kinda stuff to let u know i'm hurt..its hurt me when u r pretending like notings happen...it hurt me...]