kegeraman tahap maksima.... 20SX PL PG kanak2 bwh umur x digalakkan bca~!

yee saya akan mrepek di malam ni...
ketegangan emosi di tahap maksimum...

xyah la bca...aku hy perlu mlepaskan geram di keyboard2 ni sblum aku bunuh org.....

bahasa yg digunakan sgt kasar 20sxpl....
so klau rsa x mampu nk hadap...
jgn bca!






kenapa laaa aku ni bodohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sangat asyik rsa kesian kt org...
org bla nk bckp x penah kesian kt aku pun...
ske2 ati diorg ja practice prejudice ke....salah sangka ke...fitnah ke...
yg aku ni bangang bwad baik dgn manusia gtu pahal????
wake up la azie!!!ni dunia nyata...xda org baek dlm dunia niiii
sia2 kau bwad baik dgn org!!!

pkai la otak sket zie...
u will only hurt ur self by helping him..
shit man...
aku x leh buang rsa risau ni...
aku !@#$%^&*()IHGFTDEERTFYGUhgdsetdryuihjdskfly#%$^&*&(*))%$#@%^&*(P}{":>?<
sapa lagi ada rsa nak menyakitkan hati aku???
silalah...
jgn lupa...tlg sakitkan hati aku smpai aku xknl diri aku lgsung da k??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
smpai aku xtaw cana nk kesian kt org...
smpai aku lupa istilah HATI.....

supaya smua org puas hati...
sakitkan aku smpai thp tu plisssssssssss

bullshit la!
im sick of all diz....
org asek salah sangka....
hey aku xtahan asek jmpa org cenggini....
tuhan, help me to get through diz...if not, juz take my life...
sakit rsanya tak dapat membantu org yg kita syg....
im so demn useles!fuckin shit azie...g duduk bwh tempurung la
kau x guna sbb x dpt bntu die!
and u girl....
u are one big A** hole...
talam 400 muka....
malangnya aku kna jmpa 3,4 org cm ko....
im fuckin annoyed....

MIA to GALFNI LAKE RESORT

3 days later...

'zern,where have u been?why did you off your hp?'

'babe, where are?knapa call x angkat?blk nanti,call rien blk k?'

'zern,kayzier send an email to you..where have u been dude?don't you want to read it??? :P'


what a day..when I switch on my hp,I received lots of messages from rein,trix,fie and few others. there were 100 missed calls from them alltogether. the last incident really hit me hard...but it's not that she purposely let herself missing in action...

when I was heading back to the hostel, i had received a message from my bestfriend, Jay.. asking for help. he need one volunteer to go for a consumer talk at Galfni. the trip will be for 3days and 2 night,place and food will be provided despite its free....it seems crazy..'jay,how am i supposed to get a replacement in a short time?' she was thinking hard to help her bestfriends..then few minutes later, a new message comes in 'why dont you come zern?i'll be there too.it will make things easier...'

i was thinking hard..i need peace in my life right now,,,Galfni is a nice place far away to the north of Aberon.maybe i should just follow Jay suggestion..i was hoping that the mountain and lake at Galfni will help me sort my life back..

'ok Jay...i'll go...for the sake of friendship..but please don't leave me alone k? you know how 'easy' i am to mingle with people aite?so please keh?' i was hoping Jay would agree and 80% of myself confidently said jay will agree..he seems desperate...hihihi

'ok zern...thz a lot!you save my life...i'll go and fetch you around 3.30pm...see ya..'

'okey..see ya Jay'...

2nd day at GALFNI Lake resort...

'hush now,don't shake or break...
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave...
No matter what they do or say...
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face'

the reddish light from the sunset seems warm and tender..
but still, i felt alone and cold in the warmth given by god..
why,why and why?
nobody knows..
i felt like being infected by PSTD (post-traumatic disorder)..
i can't generate my mind..
lotsa things occurs and i didnt even have my own time to reschedule my life..
pretending to be happy doesnt help a lot...
despite the shamefull accident that falls on me,
i was confused with his parents requests..
i tried to avoid him...
but...i cant...i loved him...i dun know how to live without him..
why must i sacrificed things i loved the most?
goshhh~

"oit zern!!!hihihi"

"shoot!" head tilt...laaa 'its u Jay...'

i was shocked at the sudden acknowledgement...
'merosakkan angan2 aku je...'

"what are u doing zern?its already maghrib la...we need to go for dinner at 8...and you still sitting rite here watching sunset and wanders off ur mind eh??"

'ek?' is dat really you Jay?since when you starts to be this concern?hmm common jay,i was just relaxing my mind...i'm not killing myself at this lake...

********************************
c-o-n-t-i-n-u-e

do you smell troubles coming in?

the heart that melts...

the exams hall was filled with noise buzzing from students talking and joking around...
everybodys were busy discussing on the questions just now..
without any delay, i took my bag and head to the door...

"zern!wait for me...!!" footsteps heard running towards me...as zern was pushing herself out from the examination hall, somebody tap her shoulder.it's fie..

"ohh hye fie..let's go for lunch..i'm hungry.." zern place her hand in hers and pull her to make their way...

"ehh wait up zern...my bag is still in the hall..wait for me at the stairs..i'll catch you later..."

"ok!" said zern and she made his way to the stairs first..while walking, she switch her mp3's on and take out a newspaper she bought before the exams and walks to the stairs.Five minutes has past and zern has read through page to page of the newspaper but still, she didnt see fie's face...but instead...

'clanz!oh my,why must i see his face right now...' zern felt like running away from that place.she cursed at fie's for being late..but even she managed to express her anger at fie's right now, it won't do anything...

'zern,cover your face with the newspapers!that will do...and i walk past him. he won't noticed you...' zern starts to plan her move to get past clanz..

they were just an inch away when suddenly a junior run through her and hit her hard by her shoulder and......

'oh no!my worst nightmare begins!'

"aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

*bumm!!*

"ouchh...it's hurt"

luckily it occurs at the last stairs..but...zern fall on clanz..and now she felt hurt at her knees.

" ehh sorry kak...x sengaja.." the junior give her hand to help zern.her face was fill with guilt..

while clanz frenz was laughing at us he was still numb at his place. i think my face has turn red at that time..i can still feel his hand around my waist and his eyes staring at me.

'ya allah..maluunye!zern what's wrong with you hah?!x ckup2 nk malukan diri ke?' my spirit flew together with the incident.my knees shaking and it hurt badly...'fie,where are you...aduhh'

"kak,minx maaf..x sengaja...x perasan akak td..akak ok ke?" the junior asks her to comfirm
'eshk kakak ni apsal pucat semcm jee ni'

"clanz,are you ok?here your books...take it" yen voice interrupts and pull him up.

clanz was just nodding without saying anything. the rest were still laughing at the embarassing incidents..

zern was about to make her way back when suddenly...

"hey your hp's here..."

'alamak!zern ko niiii' she turn around and look at the owner of the voice..

'erk!clanz...? chill zern chill out..'

"hmm thanks.." after hp change to her hand, she turn back to go to her car..pretending not to know him.

"zern,i'm sorry...didn't mean to...." *silent.....*

clanz, say something clanz....this is your chance!

zern : its ok...

she head back to her car and dissappears from the embarrassing scene...

no turning back..

*texting msg to fie*

'fie, i need to go first...emergency.sorry'

**********************************

heart that missed you~

*******************************

*chup!*

"miss you baby..."

he whisper to her ears and sit next to her..his hand wrapped around her waist...trying to cool her down...

"mmm please behave rien...this is public places..it's not nice to do that.."

nazrien daniel pretend not to hear a thing and take a sip from zern's glass...

"dahaga la sayanggg" and he smile at her..

she feel embarrased with trix.Nazrien is too much..never in her life a guy kissed her.. not any dared to do so..but suddenly, the day she is in a very2 bad mood, rien had kissed her abruptly..yeah~it is nothing..juz kissing her cheek..but...

" sorry syg,i missed you sooo much..can't hold it when i saw you just now,"

'baby, wish you be mine forever..my heart beats faster when our eyes met... *smiles* i'm so just into you...'

'hmm rien, stop staring at me..you make my heart melt..gosh!why can't i be mad at you?what is soo special bout you...hmmm'

"whateva rien..i'm not in da mood...sorry..."

if it was another guy,war might have explode due to my attitude...but him....

"baby...what's wrong?tell me...it will make you feel better...did somebody hurt you?"

"forget it rien.."

"hmm come here.." he took zern's hand and hold it in his.
"let us go for a stroll...mayb it can cool you down..jom.."

"bye trix..sorry aku amek 'wife' aku jap jalan..."
"aaa kk2...go ahead..i want to go home first..take care of her..." trix smile and wink at me..

'nak kena trix ni..jga ko..'

******************************

i used to be loved drunk and im hung over...

*********************

'I used to be love drunk, but now I’m hung over,I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it’s just a bar fight,So don’t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye.'


"zern!your phone's ringing!"

"hmmm..i know...let it be...its just a message alert..i'll read it later.."

'I used to be love drunk, but now I’m hung over,I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it’s just a bar fight,So don’t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye.'

"hey it rang twice babe..check it..maybe something important..."

She gave a hollow gaze at her phones and a smirk to trix...then, she continue staring at the kids out there..for trix, she cant say anything else..she knows that zern is not in the mood..she always need time to recover and it is useless to talk to her at this time as she wont and wouldnt listen..

how will she listen when the musix is turn on to the max?even trix who is sitting in front of her can hear the headbanging music from her ipod..

'zern2...you always loose yourself with the music...'

to avoid boredom, trix decides to read the novel that she brings with her..

'luckily you are here my dearest books..if not, i can die in boredom accompanying zern'

then, both of them continue fleeing with their thoughts and emotions to an unknown place...
musix,books,surrounding...all that matters, anything that can help to ease their complex feelings...it will do...

suddenly....zern's was disturbed by a hand waving in front of her eyes...her imagination stops running when the uninvited hand continues waving...eyes still fixed at the children, she starts to.....

"apahal ko!nak cari pasal ke?!" 'apahal trix ni..nak kena debik ke ape kcau aku gni'

the anger before arose to the max when she is disturbed like that.eyes still on the kids...

'gilak!' that's the only words that cross her mind...when she tilt her head,

"hey cool baby...its just me...why do you look so furious?"

a firm hand wrapped around her shoulder.staring romanticly at her eyes...

dumbstruck!

'Nazrien..'

**********************

virgin??

He's not virgin!

*gasp*

My FEAR has become a reality...
i was damn furious when i heard the story...
how could you clanz...you betrayed me...
i thought you are different..
you act like one..
but finally you proved me wrong...

trix,rein and syaz was there...
she told me bout you...

jaw dropped in disbelief..
'biar betik mamat ni cenggini...'
tried to give my sweetest and cynical smile to her story...

rein was telling me about you..the only things that enter my minds just the words engaged-owned-other courses-like-hp's num..oh shoot!WTH is she talking about...i can't generate anymore...

rein : what's up zern?why are you asking bout clanz?
zern : nothing,just curious...i've just noticed him yesterday..he looks weirds...i never knew he exists before (fake smile and giggle)
rein : ouhh..well zern, he's not available..he had already engaged...but there's one girl has a crushed on him..he told me so...did you know that girl?she's from your course la...
zern : *fake smile again* sorry i dont know anything bout it...there are hundreds people from my course aite?it is impossible for me to know all of em...hihihi
rein : oh yeah..*smile* k sorry zern,gtg...syaz is waiting for me there...daaa~

after she dissappears from my sight...
i felt as if my heart going to explode...
it beats faster than ever...and i wish i can strangle someone...

"TRIX!!!did you hear that??how could he!i thought he was different..i wish i can strangle him right away!urghh!!!shooot man!he promised me not to tell anyone about our friendship..
but now, he has mistaken my intention...what make he think that i like him?"

"err common zern,do you really believes that story?mayb she was just making up things...chill babe...forget about what happen..let us go and get an ice-cream...it is on me...common..." she hold zern's hand and drag her off from the cafeteria.. then both of them head their way to the baskin robbin and had their ice cream there...

Both of them continue talking till they arrive at the baskin robbin's. They ordered two choc's ice-cream and choose a place near the window..

zern was quite upset with the news she just received...
she likes him..he would be a great friends..but somehow, he betrayed her trust...what else can she says?life can't always be as we wanted...sometimes, we don't get what we want and sometimes, we get what we didnt asks for...that's life my dear....
whatever happen, we need to verily after each difficulties because things happen for reasons...

zern was looking out the window...with her mp3's stuck in her ears *habit*, she is trying to untangle the new crisis she had.Looking out at the pavement, she enjoyed watching little kids running here and there without any worries of real life crisis..

'god, i miss my childhood...there are zero problems to think of...i wish i can change places with them..


To be continue....

it has been quite a long time....

IT HAS BEEN QUITE A LONG TIME...

yeah..it has been quite a long time since i last blogging.
not that i didnt visit my blog.but i just dont know what to write..
hmm my exam is just around the corner..
wish me luck babeh...

well,today our institute had held a sports day tournament..
we have to get up at 5am cuz we need to assemble at 6.30am.
demn early dude..
but i doesnt mind at all..
once a year aite?:D

ouh babe,there's daggers in my heart..
it keeps pounding fast and it send me to a new feeling.
how am i suppoz to respond to this feeling?
im juz doing it for fun...
but somehow,the feelings evolves...
what should i do?

i dun want to get into trouble AGAIN!
trouble and 'trouble' are not in my list rite now.
but i juz can't resists it.
i tried to act normal.
but i fall for thy smile...
sometimes i was wondering...
what gets into me?
what's sooo special bout thy person...
i dun find him that interesting or fits into my list.
attitude?hmmm *thinking*
physically alluring *gasp!* nehhh
thy smile *yeah!!!yeah!*
buttt is dat all??
izit enof?urghh i juz cant understand myself.
lantakla...TAWAKALTU A'LALLAH

anyway,i was having fun today at the sports day...
hihihih i am sooo mean..
zie..kenapalaaa kau kuat ngusik orang?
kau nak ngusik..tapi kau malu..
kau ni pelikklaa...
aduyaii...

good news... i was having fun watching him taking part in most of the event...
*gasp* he wass soo demn good and atheletic...cant be denied...even my rumate oso agrees with me..hakhak *evil laugh*
ijay told me about his participation in one of the events...
jeng2 >:)) my evil horn suddenly appears from nowhere...
*best ni ngusik...naseb kau laa blalang..spa suh pemalu sgt...*

monolog dalaman:

tapi tepk jugak la...
apa la kau zie..ada ke kau g kcau anak teruna org..
tebalik da ni...da xde keje laen nk usik anak org?

*laughing*

common babeh..tak kan nk usik anak beruang en...beh bek usik anak org..atleast x kna cop gila...haha
i do care bout people's perception or to be true, his perception of my way in introducing myself...well, i loved to be different...*kna tanggung lerr*
izit wrong to make fwenz?xkn?
usik x bermakna suka smpai thp nk bercinta en?
aku ske je usik nuaq,ijay...tp x becinta pun. *sorry nama naek* :D
bkn diorg je mangsa aku...
yana,ean,nine,abg hensem,hyst,sue,hafiz,emir,ekhsan,ody,faez,nuaq,rizal,yanie...
haa amek smua list..
smua mangsa aku nyakat..
pakcik2 aku pn kna taw..

tapiiiii
one thing yg bosan dgn typical men ni...
asal sembang sket mula la prasan nk ngorat..
eshk2 common babeh..
we are living in 21st century..
there's no such thing anymore...
and dont be prejudice towards women and dont practice inequality...*cewahhh ayat ss n es ni*
x smua perempuan sma meh...

hey buddy...i juz wanna be frenz with u..
tapi 19thn hidup di bumi ALLAH swt ni...
andalah manusia yang paaaaaaaaaling sombonk kot?and susah nk dibuat kawan...
slalunye klau zie sniri open nk be frenz with sum1...cepat je mesra..
but you??
ohhh my god..
anak raja pun x sombonk n susah unt didekati cam u...
aku yg pelik atau dia yg pelik?
eshk2

kee cara aku stat persahabatan salah?
aku x ske la old style nye nk bersahabat.
aku bukan pkai cara face to face jumpa saying 'hye!nak kenal leh?my name ...'
LAME gilerrr... i do it my STYLE...
u ni lack sense of humour ke ek?
liat tol...lagi liat...laaaaaaaagiiii nak kcau...:D
ada sethn g!kna rncg unt satu thn nye plan ni...

hak2
ok2 that's gud news..i was having fun teasing him..
what i did??ouhh let it be my secreto myamor... ;)

bad news!!!!
shoot man...
IDENTITI TERBONGKAR!!!
sshoot!!!shoot!!!shoot!!!shoot!!!
maluuuuuu seh....
dia da taw...mslhnya...dia pura2 tak tahu...
betul2 la kura2....
kura2 dalam perahu..pura2 xtahu...
pas tu mesti dia judge aku nya prangai...eshk2
xleh bwad gila2 da...malu2
aku keliru menjadi buntu...
eh tu lagu...:D
errr tp btol la..
aku keliru...
aku pun nk pura2 tak tahu dia tahu keee
aku bwad cam aku tahu dia tahu...
ngeeee

which one is more fun ek?
yang mna lebih risky and most important, its fun and can make a great memories???
hmmmm

what will happen if i tell him that i knew he knew who i am...?
a) the frenship wen dull?
b) i'll loz interest to make fwen with him?
c) we will stop being fwen?
d) we will pretend not to know each other again?

aaaa tu je ke ek consequences die?

wut if i pretend that i didnt know that he knew which one is me?
ngeeeeee

a) the games continue *of coz*
b) continue teasing each other?
c) he will continue 'evaluating' ma attitude? *x leh biar..*
d) he'll start making rumours bout me?? *ohhh no!!!mati die aku pancunk*
e) ada pendapat kah wahai saudara saudari pembaca??

sila tinggalkan pendapat...ngee

hidup tanpa teman ibarat hidup tanpa senyuman dan tangisan...
uuuuu~mendalam seh..

biar sakit,asalkan bermakna..
biar sedih asalkan bersama..
saat awan mendung berlalu..
kan ku peluk sang pelangi
hiasan tika kita bersuka...

frenz mean frenz babeh...xlebih x kurang...
senyum sokmo!
kdg2 ada hati yg terhibur dgn senyuman kita...
besarnya pahala buat org laen terhibur...
wlau teda niat..tapi andai gembira hadir mengganti duka...
we should embrace it

"sesungguhnya tidak beriman seseorang kamu yang tidak menyayangi manusia laen sperti saudaranya sendiri..."


no prejudice are aloud!