pernah rasa ke?

pernah rasa sedih?

gosh! it's a lie ok if u said u never felt sad....

its normal for every living things...

even animals oso know how to show sad expression.....

dang!

but pernah rasa sedih sampai demam2?????

iskt!

bila hati x sihat,jiwa pun lemah....

sedih tak hengat dunia...

smua bnda jd x kena...

semangat pun luntur...

semlm sedih x hengat dunia...

tears keep falling down...

nak cari incik pencetus senyuman...

tapii dia bz~xnk la ggu....huk2

last2...dalam usaha memaksa diri untuk tdow..

nangis sengsorang...

bongok sangat...

and bangun pagi ni...

feeling a lil bit feverish..

sakit tekak...

headache and hella feelings that could have been feel..

apsal  sedih sgt?

asalnya hanya sebab seekor kucing...

bonnie mati T.T

bonnie is munet;s cat...

and it looks exactly like my late cat...

few weeks ago..

i went to munets houz and i really enjoy playing with bonnie...

rasa rindu terubat gtu dkt joey....

but then semlm dpt news die da mati... T.T

rasa sedih x hengat....

rasa macam semua benda yang cik pelangi suka dan sayang..

semua kena amek...

then what is left for me down here?

dang

that's why i dun want to have special feelings or just feelings like sayang2 gtu dgn sesapa pun...

sakitttt T.T

huuuuuuu

sayang auntie chom..

allah da amek...

sayang tok mak like hell...the only one i can show my love....

pun allah dah amek...

joey my cat...the only place i owez share my feelings with....

(xyah pelik la klau cik pelangi kongsi sedih2 n hepy2 news dgn kitty...kdg2 kitty is better than human ok!)

and allah already taken my joey... :(

then i have kayzier...

next top beloved things in life...

and...

fate has put it line for us...

he's gone....

ermmm writing this entry itself oready gives me a migrain...

effin sad lah...

and i cant deny that..

bcoz what has happened between kayzier and me....

i really am afraid to love and be love again...

i am afraid of being left alone....

and the feelings evolve day by day..

it getting worst....

i can feel that....

sigh~

not a good entry eh for a new year..

it start with a sad story... :(

Chocolate boutique!!

Hye readers!! Thz for dropping by... ^^

today is a very hectic day...
we were having Sports Day in our Institutes...

here is a glance of me at Kejohanan Olahraga Tahunan kali ke 40 at IPG Kampus Pulau Pinang

The TESOLIANZ Kenyalang-ianz.... hehehe

So, basically...
it is a tiring day ^^....
i have been such a 
SUPPORTIVE team mates 
supporting my friends at the field kan...
harus la PENAT.. :P

then, right after we finish with the KOT, 

i and incik cuzzy went out to USM to print out our pasport pictures (20pcs) for the departure thingy to OZ..

then, we headed to Perangin Mall to find some stuff needed for ......
  TESL nite...

hehehe

thennnnn~

we went to Sup Hameed to take our TEA break ^^...

nyam2...

while, we were on the way to his car (after finish dining in)..he asks me....

"zie, did u know that (pointing to a place) building over there is a CHOCS BOUTIQUE?"

and i was like XD 

"ooohh (with a long OOoooOOOooo) izit???:D didnt notice that..."
aq x silap dengar kan?heheh chocolates???

i was smiling for the message in his tone when he asks me about 'that' building
when we were already in his car, he asks me...

"wanna go there for a look??"

ahakz!saat yang dinanti2kan!!

ohyeahhh~ nyiru tapak tangan...seluruh pulau pinang saya tadahkan dengan pelawaan itu!

hahahhahaha

and i replied to him...

"sure... :D why not??heee "

andd....less than 3 min... (since it was only a block away from sup hameed kan)

we arrived at the choc's boutique..

TADAAA!!!

XD

Giler sebentar tgk a house full of CHOCOLATES!!
22,leith street,10200, Penang. Malaysia

i felt EXCITED giler...but at the same time..quit blur..

haha

yer la...

i've never been here before..

so i didnt know whether this is 

a house full of chocs for DISPLAY only 

OR

a shop full of chocs....a SHOP okeh?
kalau shop..leh SHOPPING....hahaha

can u see what's on his right shoulder?hehehe
we were given a sticker when we entered this shop.. ^^

so, right after we enter this boutique..they give us a sticker
that we HAVE TO stick it on our shirt if we want to enter...

there is also a guard, GUARDING at the door...
KACHIWAAA tengok ada guard depan tuuu.. XD

 there goes all my plan to RUN out  from the shops with all the CHOCS!!!
For FREEEEE!! XD

hahahaha
kidding! XD

giler sekejap tgk die nye racks of chocs kannnn ^^

The best thing of all... 

*jeng!!jeng!!jeng!!jeng!!*

heheh

as soon as we entered this boutique,

there's a lady that guide us around in this shop and let us 

TRY OUT @ TASTE all the different kinds of CHOCS!!
this is surely a CHOCS heaven for CHOCS LOVER...

hahahhahaha

when the lady told me that we can taste out all the chocs ..

i stared at incik sepupu with a deep message with a giggle..

the staring message was meant like diz

*no wonder engkau suke dtg siniiii...dapat chocs free rupanya!!*

and i whisper to him..

i like your idea for this time... XD muahahahha

Hoyeahh~this is what happen when a chocs fanatic entered a shop full with chocs!!

so, after running around the stores tasting all the chocs kan..

adalah sgt mustahil untuk tidak membeli seketul dua buat dimakan di bilik...

hahahhahahah

Cik pelangi : wehhh ko jahatla..ko taw aq antu cokelat..ko bawa aq g tmpt camni..kan da dilema nak beli ke x chocs ni... XD

incik cuzzy : hahahha kamonn la...it's a must visit place before we depart to OZ okeh??rugii x datang..that's why i brought you here...

and i cant argue more with him since i reallllllllyyy!!!
(i mean super duper really LOVES chocs)

hahhahaha

Harusla berposing sebentar! ^^

Auww....will be remembered... ^^

The best place ever for Choc's Loverrr

enter with empty handed, come out with a bag of chocs...ahakz!

haaa!! kan da TERshopping???

hahahha 

Credit to mr Cuzzy for making me craze at this boutique...
ahakz!

thank you for being such a sweet and nice cuzzy ^^

may God bless you buddy!!

Orange crunch chocs and coffee chocs...
MUST TRY!! 

sooo...inilah hasilnya selepas menggila dan melagha di Chocs boutique... ^^

i've bought these two chocs and it costs me RM 45.90... XD

the one with coffee taste, it is RM20.00 with a 10% discount...

while the orange CRUNCH,it is RM30.....it has 16 packet in that one packaging....

hohoh surely expensive but gilerrr SEDAPPPP cakap lu!!! ^^ x jumpa kat tempat lain ahh... Anyway, this boutique makes its own chocs and surely not imported one...BARANGAN BUATAN MALAYSIA habaq kauu...and it is effin delicious!!!rasa nak borong satu boutique tuuuuu.... ^^

tambahan cekelattt ^^

before this, everytime i went to Langkawi...

i owez bought toblerone...

it costs me more than hundred Ringgit everytime i starts shopping for chocs...

yesszaa!i'm such a chocs fanatic!dun mention it....

i really likes toblerone..

sumtimes, i will just go there for a day just to buy chocs okey....

and believe me, never in my FRIDGE life, 

it is empty without chocs..

CHOCS and ice cream is a must-have-thingy in MY fridge (at home)

XD

other than this, i owez buy Daim and cadburry;s...

Seldomly buy ferrero rocher cuz i dont like it very much...

but if people give some to me, i surely eat lah..

hahahha

soo thats all for today!! ^^

may god bless all of us... :D

Home suweettt home (weekend)

 hoyeahh!! da lama x balik rumahh....

since raya,last week baru dapat balik rumah...

walaupun penang-As sgt laaa dekat..

tapi masa amatla mencemburui diri...haha

macam2 da plan bila nak balik umah ni....

antaranya... ^^

1. nak tgk tv

2.nk tgk tv

3. nk makan puas2..

4. nak makan puas2..

5. nak rehat puas2...

6. nak guling2 atas katil yang telah lama di tinggalkan tu puas2....

hehhehe

tapiiii....

bila balik umah...

lain  yang menanti....

huk2...

ohh apakah ini???

OMG....

x kusangka...

saat terjejak nya kaki ku di rumah (lama)...

ada suara2 da bagi hint...

ptg ni kita p umah sana (yg dlm gmba di atas) ek....

tolong cabut rumput liar...

dan tolong tanam rumput....

i was like... 

"err wuts again?org salah dgr ka mama?"

wawawawa

-end of argument dgn Mrs Boss...-

mencabut rumput

hoyeahh....

naseb baek bila petang menjelma, kawasan tepi umah ni da teduh....

terpaksa la cabut rumput2 liar ni b4 tanam rumput carpet dgn nma spesies japanica-ape-ke-benda-tah.....

tengah2 aku ralit dok cabut rumput en....

tiba2 dengar suara bebudak menjerit....

terpanggung kepala aq....heheheh

adik (yg kecik tu) : abang!!aku dapat ikan keli wehhh!!besaqq siott!!!
abang : mana2??!! wow!!besaqnyaa!!jom balik!! ^^

uhuhuhu

aku yang tgh mencabut rumput pun turut tertarik nak tengok apa yang bebudak tu seronokkan sangat...

perghhh besaq sungguh ikan tu...

jeless aku...

aku x besa p mengail...(bahasa bakunya memancing)...

bila tgk bebudak ni excited gtu... 

aku pun tumpank excited sama...

haha trus lari masuk dalam rumah bising2...

aku : mama!!mama!! budak2 tu dapat tangkap ikan kelii!!!! (dengan penuh excited)

mama : ya ka??besaq ka??

aku : besaqqqqqq!!punya besaq sampai depa pun trus balik umah da tu...x sambung mengail (masih excited)

mama pun menjenguk ke luar dan nmpk bebudak tu beransur pergi....

aku : jelesnyaa depa reti mengailll (nada frust trokkkk)

pak aku?

dia gelak tengok aku bwad perangai tah hapa2 x padan dengan umoq....huhuhuhu

pas tu...bila da masuk dalam rumah..

aku da malas nak kuar..

kat dalam umah..ni laen plak cita dia....

huahua depa (tukang kabinet nii) tgh pasang kabinet....

dari zero to sumting la...

aku lawan melengung tengok depa bwad keja...

macam2 tools depa ada...

KAGUM2!!

hohohhoho

kenapa aq dok bz body tgk depa bwad keja???

apa leh bwad...

slagi diorg x abes keje....aku x leh balik sbb kena temankan my mum...

nant nk kunci umah ni balik...haishh bosan jugakklaaa menunggu je..

bila usya2 diorg pasang kabinet ni...dapat la jugak ilmu baru...

heheehhe

tapi bila tgk diorg dok pasang2 n potong2 kayu la apa la..

yang aku nampak hanyalah matematik....

ang x reti math...ang xleh nak bagi benda tu balance and cantik...

selain perlukan skill unt bertukang...

respect dowhh tgk diorg bwad keje cermat na mampos...

hohoho

my mom asek cakap "cermat sungguh depa ni bwad keja...very particular.."

aq reply dengan nada bosan : haruslaaa hati2....klau x, sapa nak upah depa..kena la jga nama bisnes...

*giler skematik jawapan aq*

hahahahha

tapi bukan tu je benda yang terjadi ketika ini...

dalam masa yang sama..

pakcik elektrik datang...

hehehhehe

dia datang pasang downlight....

ini pun best jugak usya...

tgk dia dok psg wire2 smua tu...

cane die sambung wayar2 neutral...

tgk cane die kena Electric shock...

hehe yerp!

aq da cuak tgk die kena letrik shock...

tp dia kata...

"chillex la~ normal la kena shock klau da nma pun main dgn letrik..."

hehehe

ok tipu2...

dia x cakap la chillex kan..tu sah2 la ayat aku...

dia sengih ja...ckp dia OK ^^

soo that's what keeps me busy during my weekend...

now..da balik maktab..

da stat bz...

pas exam baru aq leh balik umah...

huhuhuhuhuhu

sit and see

"i used to be love drunk but now i'm hung over..love you forever..forever is over" -LOVE DRUNK

i really want to shed everything in here...

but suddenly i felt afraid of what i'm writing...

didnt know that she was watching over what i've been writing since that incident...

the anger withing me is bursting...

she did ask for my forgiveness..

i wish i can forgive her without any leftover grudge..

but..it's hard...

hmm its not that i'm keeping a grudge towards them..

the problem is.........i can't forget all the pain you guys gave me...

on that nite...

suddenly i receive a text msgs from unknown number...

but when i saw the num of 013-8++++ i know..its either him or her...

this time, she really know how to be polite again..

and i appreciate her politeness..

she doesnt appear in my life for nothing...

this time...

she wanted to end the GAME that we've been in without our own consent...

in order to protect everyone's dignity...

i'll change the dialogue a lil bit...

she texted me sayin that :

A : "i have sumtin to tell you zie...but first of all..plz forgive me for everything..."

Z : "hmm wuddup?wut else do u want from me?stret to the point plz"

A: "ok...Since the last time we text, it is all LIES....its been a year...and i couldnt let you be like this anymore...he asked me to get into this GAME  because he couldnt bear to see you get hurt being with him anymore...He really LOVE you...and bcuz of that, he doesnt want to keep the happiness for too long..he is afraid that he wont be able to make you as his wife later on...you know what i mean zie... i know that he still loves you...but do know one thing...he did this bcuz he doesnt want you to get hurt anymore...i hope you can forgive us...i really want to be friend with you again....i never have a friend like you"

Z: oh~i already know that...thz a lot... (the rest is history)

yes....it is already a year since the Volcanic NEWS erupt my life!

mr cuzzy said... "it's been a year azie...for what reason you must be angry any more?you shouldnt be angry...things have long past "

well...thinking of what has been said by mr cuzzy...

i do agree with him...

but somehow, i juz cant put this anger aside...

LOVE is a about trusting your partner...

but he cant even trust me....

he did mention about this to me a few years ago..

but back then, we were only 18 or 19...

i dont want to worry about marriage at an early age...

we are still young and there are still lots of things to be discovered...

i do said to him..

'lets fate do its job...if we're not fated to be together, i'll verily to god.. but let us try to defend this relationship first before i surrender'.....

huh~ who will know this will happen aite?never in my mind i will believe that he will do what he already told me...he did mention about doing 'this' in his own way...but i take it as joke...come on la...percayalah dengan Allah....

gunakan mata hati...jawapan ada kat situ...

can't you feel it deep inside ur heart?

listen to your heart...

after all this years of painful path...

chances has stopped by my door...but i didnt feel like doing anything...

i juz want to sit back and watch what will happen....

hope, you will realize about this one day...

Fenink?

"pening ku fahami dirimu..peningku mengikut rentakmu...." - Ezlynn

dah2...jgn pk bukan2...its juz a lyric... ^^"

bukak penink sebab nk ikut kehendak sapa2..

tapi den da naik penink sbb x ckup tdow gara2 incik assignment....

luckily i managed to finish my so-called last assignment *la sangat kan~* Classroom Management coursework 2...

lega la skett..tapi ada satu lagi active log kena bwad...

adoiii aku malas betul nak bwad active log..x suka la nak dok bercakap depan video...

haishhh 10min lak tu...aduii apa nak goreng pun xda idea lagiii....

ape pun...

balik kelas nant...maybe kena siapkan reflection Hubungan etnik..

seyesly...bila aku start menulis REFLEKSI HUBUNGAN ETNIK dalam bahasa melayu,

ayat2 aq da jadi berbunga2 macam nak tulis surat cinta...

aku nak taip pun da jadik geli..

last2 aku start je tulis dalam english...

lantakkkk la....

dari aq tulis 

"sejak pertama kali kaki ku jejak masuk ke kelas ini, ku rasakan bla2 etc2"

beh bek aku tulis dalam english..xde la cheesy sgt rasa....

kang aq bwad ayat bunga cinta dalam HE tu karang..

ada jugak lecturer aku yang kena masuk ICU sbb tak bleh benti gelak......

awawawa tamo2....

haishhh kilija ohhh kilija...kilija xkan habes punya mehhh 

fenink2...

dugaan lagi

Ya Allah..sesungguhnya dugaanMu kali ini sekali lagi menguji keimanan hambamu ini...
masih bersisakah kekuatan di dalam diriku untuk menempuhi dugaan ini?
Acapkali aku kehilangan yang tersayang...
Munafiknya aku andai aku mempertikaikan dugaan mu ya allah...
tetapi jauh di sudut hati...aku merasa lelah...
apa aku tidak layak untuk menyayangi orang sekeliling ku?
Ya Allah..andai ujian ini yang kau turunkan...
berikan aku kekuatan untuk redha dan sabar dengan dugaan mu Ya Allah...
kau bukakanlah jalan terbaik untuk menamatkan ini semua Ya Allah...
atau sekali lagi aku harus mengundurkan diri?
Ya allah..berikan petunjukmu ya allah....

sorry?

"He called my name again and again and try to catch my hand...but it is too late...i run and continue running...i can feel the pain in my heart even though it was just a dream"

6.30AM
i woke up and look at my handphone...
got two miss call and 1 messaged...
the call was from anwar..and the message was regarding the news of bro fath's (teyl c4) father passed away...
Al-fatihah....

after reciting doa to his father...i went numb...
my mind starts concentrating on what i was dreamin just now...
i think the moment i woke up..the dream is still crystal clear...but after my mind was bz reading the msg from Er, i kinda forgot what was i dreaming just now...

took me 5-10 minutes to think back about my dreamin...
and when i managed to recall my dream again...
i felt sum kinda pain deep in my heart...
i dreamt of him...
felt guilty...izit bcuz i get mad at him last nite?
huhuhuhuh

6.40am...
get up from my bed and do my usual routine...
class..discussion...meeting..bla2....

10.00am
i check my watch to see the date...
its stated 1/10/10......
gosh!suddenly my heart start beating very fast....
if today is 1st of october...
then yesterday was 30th sept...
and..........
demn i cant remember what should happen last nite..but my heart said it is an important date in my life....
after settling myself in the library...
i went facebooking and check his profile...
"shoot!!!its his birthday!n i'm fucking forgot!"
felt really guilty tho....

there's no words to describe the pain i felt inside....
till i dun have the appetite to eat....
but still, i forced my self to eat lah since i have gastric kan....

while doing the discussion..i felt sad... disappointed with myself...
'how can u forget it azie!' but then..on the other side...
'good job!u forget his day being born'

i stayed silent and lost the 'happy' mood...
knowing and remembering that yesterday was his day...and
with the post 'are you that dumb' plus the dream i dreamt about.....
it really hurt me...
i'm bleeding again...
kau jahat la azie....
sangat jahat....
that is not the rite gift to give on his day....
=(( and with this post..
i wanna wish him

['happy birthday mnf....semoga allah panjangkan umur supaya dapat menambahkan ilmu dunia akhirat'

jangan lupa solat...jadilah seorang muslim yang menjadi khalifah terbaik untuk keluarganya...doa saya sentiasa menemani awak..insyaallah...

and if u read diz...and the previous post..i know u will felt demotivated and frustrated with my attitude...

but atleast i'm trying to express what i felt..cuz if u really know me..then, u will know that i won't let doz kinda stuff comin rite and fresh from my mouth....i wont be able to say doz kinda stuff to let u know i'm hurt..its hurt me when u r pretending like notings happen...it hurt me...]

are you that dumb?

yeah...
are you dat dumb???
this thing happened 3 weeks ago...
but it affected me till today...yes today!

hmmmm
on that day of raya....
we chatted...its been a year...yes...the relationship starts to crack on the eve of raya last year...
if he ever remembered that...
n y the call was made to me...i dunno....early morning of raya....
didnt pick it up tho...after a few hours of feeling bad for not picking it up since it was raya day....
i return his call...on the next day...i gez?couldnt remember it...

didnt mind about that...
that's not the problem....
the problem(for me) started when he asking me how was my life with that guy?
*i was wondering..which guy??*

but i juz let him continue speaking his heart on his part.....
n he asked me... 'how was ur fiance doin?'
i was like ' uhh?fiance?'
in my heart 'i'm not like you...'
but it goes differently when i talked
'x jadi tunang...xmau la dia...x serasi dan x best...cukup la apa yang jadi'

then the line goes silent....macam kt medan perang.....sunyinye tu...
then with his soft voice trying to coax me...he asked me again....
'nape ni?r u ok hun?why didnt you accept the propose?'

i went silent on the line...
in my heart
'f**k you...iznt dat a stupid question?'
mulut masih bersabar...xnk gadow2 hari raya....
then he continued....
'izit bcuz of your previous experience?awak serik dgn ex awak ek?'

ok! that's too much....
tears start rolling down...
are you that dumb?are you trying to test my patience MNF?
or did you forget that you are the one who send me to this hella feelingsssss??

still...i'm trying to control the situation...
just saying to him that...
'perasan la awak..xda kna mngena dgn awk..die tu bosan..kami x serasi...xmau risk kan hidup unt another suffering life like u give me..'
then..he just went  'ohhhh'....'jangan la gtu...'
then i just laugh....a full of painful laugh...if he ever realized it....
i will never forget the memories the rest of you gave me....
Whenever you realize it..it will be too late...
remember...what goes around comes around darl.....

cheritera

di bulan ramadhan...

berbagai pesanan singgah di sisiku...

namun ada satu yang tersemat di hati...

"semoga ramadhan kali ini penuh makna"

satu kata2 dan juga doa yang membuat hati ku menangis..

gembira bercampur sedih..

gembira kerana ingatannya....sedih kerana berhadapan dengan takdir Illahi....

hari demi hari ku lalui...

semakin hari semakin bermakna...

tidak ku sedar bila ia menjadi bermakna..

sedikit sebanya ada yang hadir menjadikan ramadhan ku lebih bermakna...

saat hati kembali tenang...

ingatan melayang terhadap dia yang mendoakan...

nun jauh di sudut hati...

aku tertanya... 'adakah ramadhan awak bermakna kali ini?'

ahh sesungguhnya aku manusia yg lalai...

sebagai manusia aku tetap sayangkan kau...

tapi di mana sayang ku itu bila doa ku sudah semakin jarang mengiringi hari2 dia?

oh hati...aku memahami andai engkau mahu melupakan segalanya...

tapi dengar lah akal waras ku berkata2....

titipkan lah dia dengan doa tulus dari hati mu....

maafkan dia seikhlas hati mu....

buangkan rasa kecewa..gantikan ia dengan keikhlasan....

.hari berganti hari...ramadhan berlalu pergi...

genaplah jua hari2 ku yang lebih bermakna..seusia ramadhan..

tibanya syawal...

hati masih menunggu...ahh hati...engkau terlalu menyusahkan...

akal tidak dapat memahami kamu hati....

saat takbir bergema...kenangan lalu kembali berputar...

ahh engkau tidak akan mengingatinya..

di pagi 1 syawal...

hati terasa debar...

rindu hadir berselang dusta....

dan akhirnya...

panggilan darimu menamatkan debaran...

sudah ku jangka...ia kamu.

debaran itu milik kamu....

sedih kah aku di pagi syawal?

tidak sama sekali....

tiada rasa yang hadir saat nama mu tertera di telefon bimbitku...

tiada kata2 untuk apa yang ku rasakan ini....

tapi ada rasa sedih singgah di hati...

persoalan demi persoalan muncul....

awak....kenapa perlu hadir lagi?

you are making things getting more complicated....

tapi..siapakah aku untuk mempertikaikan??

bukan kah segalanya sudah tersurat?

andai ini telah terjadi..maka itu yang telah tertulis...

hati...teruskan lah bersabar...teruskan melangkah walau banyak duri yang terbentang...