sorry?

"He called my name again and again and try to catch my hand...but it is too late...i run and continue running...i can feel the pain in my heart even though it was just a dream"

6.30AM
i woke up and look at my handphone...
got two miss call and 1 messaged...
the call was from anwar..and the message was regarding the news of bro fath's (teyl c4) father passed away...
Al-fatihah....

after reciting doa to his father...i went numb...
my mind starts concentrating on what i was dreamin just now...
i think the moment i woke up..the dream is still crystal clear...but after my mind was bz reading the msg from Er, i kinda forgot what was i dreaming just now...

took me 5-10 minutes to think back about my dreamin...
and when i managed to recall my dream again...
i felt sum kinda pain deep in my heart...
i dreamt of him...
felt guilty...izit bcuz i get mad at him last nite?
huhuhuhuh

6.40am...
get up from my bed and do my usual routine...
class..discussion...meeting..bla2....

10.00am
i check my watch to see the date...
its stated 1/10/10......
gosh!suddenly my heart start beating very fast....
if today is 1st of october...
then yesterday was 30th sept...
and..........
demn i cant remember what should happen last nite..but my heart said it is an important date in my life....
after settling myself in the library...
i went facebooking and check his profile...
"shoot!!!its his birthday!n i'm fucking forgot!"
felt really guilty tho....

there's no words to describe the pain i felt inside....
till i dun have the appetite to eat....
but still, i forced my self to eat lah since i have gastric kan....

while doing the discussion..i felt sad... disappointed with myself...
'how can u forget it azie!' but then..on the other side...
'good job!u forget his day being born'

i stayed silent and lost the 'happy' mood...
knowing and remembering that yesterday was his day...and
with the post 'are you that dumb' plus the dream i dreamt about.....
it really hurt me...
i'm bleeding again...
kau jahat la azie....
sangat jahat....
that is not the rite gift to give on his day....
=(( and with this post..
i wanna wish him

['happy birthday mnf....semoga allah panjangkan umur supaya dapat menambahkan ilmu dunia akhirat'

jangan lupa solat...jadilah seorang muslim yang menjadi khalifah terbaik untuk keluarganya...doa saya sentiasa menemani awak..insyaallah...

and if u read diz...and the previous post..i know u will felt demotivated and frustrated with my attitude...

but atleast i'm trying to express what i felt..cuz if u really know me..then, u will know that i won't let doz kinda stuff comin rite and fresh from my mouth....i wont be able to say doz kinda stuff to let u know i'm hurt..its hurt me when u r pretending like notings happen...it hurt me...]