Brisingrrrr :D

It's holiday... :D eh nop...holiday is coming to the end.. :((

Xpe2.... mcm bosan je cuti sem aku kali ni en....hihi during my hols... these are the activities that i can list out that i've done..wuhuuu! diz year..i spent most of my times with my families and beloved besties jer.....yang penting at last...dapat gak lepak ngan Ezyani..tp sorry..no picture of her...dia tu nk tgkp gmba kna bwad tempahan dlu...hohoho

1) time ni g anta my paksu and maksu kt KLIA...diorg nk g bwad Haji...
time ni...pas anta diorg, aku lepak smggu kt KL...then ada la jln2 jumpa Mr ody and Mr Harries...
hahah Nice la lepak ngan korang...walau pun ody sgt garang..muka cm nk mkn org..
tp dia Besties...soo x kisah punnn!
msa jmpa..dia sgt mrh2 dgn aku sbb dia yg rock metal aku g assign contact ringtone dgn lagu The Lucky Laki - Bukan Superman...
hahah menyumpah die kt aku...klaka gla...
newayy sory ye dy...
its just for fun..sonok nyakat ko..skang da tuka da contact ringtone ko..
aku letak yg lebih metal yg sesuai dgn jiwa ko.. ;)
cyg ko...hahah

2) balik je dr KL..aku ada reunion dgn dak2 TMN UDA...hihih best!!!
mna x bestnye...dlu lazt jmpa msa fom 2..reunion pertama kami...
ni da besar pnjg....smua pakat sbuk ty smbg blajaq mna n da keja ka blom???haha
next time jmpa...mest ty bla nk kwen plak...hohoh
soooo ready2 la pasangan masing2...hhohohoho

3) haaa ni yg paling best!
lepas je reunion ngan dak2 SKTU... geng2 aku kt SMK Sul Bhyh plak bwad Gath...
kami bwad BBQ.... mcm2 ada... ayam..laksa..kuih2...mcm2 la...
aku pn xpasan..yg taw aku bedal mkn ayam ja...hahahah
sgt best!!! pas je BBQ...tetibe ennnn....... :D

diorg bwad plan mengejut!!!
pas maghrib...diorg ajk g tgk muvee...hahha
sooo da jd Girls Day Out lah....
kami p tgk cita SANTAU!!!
yg peliknye...
masuk je km 9 org dlm panggung tu..
bukan km jerit sgt pn...
smua pakat lawan gelak kt cita hantu tu...
hohoho
mayb neuron kpala km smua da x bpa btoi...hihihi
but still... u girls rox laa!!

4) haa gmbr di bwh ni... pas je abes muvee..km leh plak p lepak kedai mamak minum2...
hahah btol2 girls day out la...
yg ni yg best sbb NINE blanja mkn...hohohoho

5) hihih mlm b4 tu BBQ...keesokannya p KL dgn my mum...
smpai je KL...my nieces ajak g SUNWAY...
diorg nk maen Bumper Car and Skating...
soooo ape lg????
sia2 jd Aunt yg kewl klau x maen skali en??
hohohoho

6) ni yg terbaru....ari ahad baru ni.... Reunion g skali dak2 6Sabar...haha
kami gheja lepak skali ja....
neway...dak klas kami pmpuan mmg x rmai..ada 12 org ja...
drpd 40 plajar..pmpuan 12...hahaha stai en???
tp msa ni rmai yg da gheja gak....
tp kira cover la..reunion yg b4 diz ain g..shidah g...
spatutnya kakcik ada time ni..dia mai..tp blk awai...
huhuhu

u gus rox my holiday lah...sayangggggggggggggg korang!

n juz now...ptg td aku lepak seharian ngan my bestest frenz... :)
Nur Ezyani Jasni..
sayang dia lebih..
sbb dia sayang saya lebih jugak..
hahaha

c you guys again next sems.. :)
XoXo lotsa luv..
NAEzryn Ibrahim

Penutup cerita

ada rasa yang terpendam..
ada janji yang perlu ditunaikan..
dan masih ada HATI yang perlu dijaga...
tapi rindu itu masih miliknya...

hakikat yang nyata...
tiada yang kekal di sisi...
kenyataan yang pahit...
hatiku masih miliknya...
perkara yang menyakitkan...
tiada lagi cinta...
tak perlukan cinta..
atau kasih mesra...
palsu semata2...

you belong with me...

steady and ready to run again...
wish to be the old me again...
i mean, the really2 old me again...
i dont need any sensitive feeling rite now..
dun hv any perfect place to use it...
standing by ready to catch it again...

Konflik terakhir

Sekian kita bersama ternyata kau juga sama saja - Cokelat Karma

Kau kira ku percaya semua sgala tipu daya oh percuma
Tenggelam arus masa tika menapak jalan yang menjauh
Di dalam ingatanku ku tentukan arah yang ku mahu
Terkadang aku sama tersilap caturan
Hingga terlontar pada satu peristiwa yang membuat hati lara
Naluri ku berkata tak ingin ia berulang lagi
Kehilangan cinta hati menjadikan bagai raga tak bernyawa
Terpisah saat rindu yang membara

Hatinya yang dulu belaian kini telah menepis segala
Terkenang peristiwa yang membuat hati lara
Diri terlontar jauh merembis sepi
Saat cuba tuk melenyapkan keresahan fikiran
Gerhana harinya merantai kalbu,terlena dan buntu dalam lautan rindu
Seribu musim tak kan bisa menghibur hati yang penuh marah
Entah mengapa perpisahan berlaku saat hati mulai menjalin

Denting yang berbunyi dari dinding kamar menyedarkan aku dari lamunan panjang
Tak terasa malam kini semakin larut namun aku masih terjaga
Mungkinkah kau disana merasa yang sama seperti dinginku
Jiwa dan raga takkan sekali berdusta namun terkadang cinta terusik benci sesaat
Seribu musim takkan bisa mengubat hati yang penuh luka dan benci
Kan ku perlukan semuanya untuk tapiskan rindu agar tidak terasa pedihnya lagi
Kadang diri terleka dibuai bisikan bintang namun pantas ku berlari dari alam khayalan

Hakikat yang terhampar sebening senja berlabuh
Indah tetapi sebentar cuma..
Pilu tetapi harus pasrah menerima..
Segalanya adalah dusta sejak saat ia terjalin
Tersentap pedih akan kenyataan namun cinta hanyalah satu peristiwa..

Lupakan saja cerita lama
bukan sekadar menjadi sejarah tetapi hanyalah peristiwa pahit
mengapa perlu semua jiwa merana menjadi irama pilu yang menyesakkan
kuatkanlah dinding hati dan genggam erat janjiku ini
Menarilah dan terus tertawa dengarkan dan rasakan lagu yang ku ciptakan untukmu
walau dunia tak seindah suka kamu ngak sendirian walau di kelam malam
biarkan saja sampai akhirnya nanti
ku mahu ingati keadaan itu,ingin dirimu turut merasa pelangi di gelap malam

dun give up yo!

Susahhh...

ye..susah sungguh..
aku rsa mcm da berbulan2 berlalu sejak peristiwa itu...
rsa mcm da lma cuba untuk bangun dari kegagalan...
tapi semlm baru sedar..
rupanya baru masuk dua bulan slepas peristiwa itu...
patut la sakit tu masih terasa segar..
chaiyok2!azie xleh menyerah kalah!

setiap kaki melangkah...debaran makin terasa...

Bila semua tak seperti yang dirancang...baru nak terngadah..

aduyai...nak x nak...kena pilih family over friends...
pilih family over friends tu x kisah sgt...
with pleasure..
tapi sungguh..
aku x sanggup nak jejak kaki ke sana lagi...
setiap yang ada di sana mampu membuka kembali segala duka yg terpendam..
berbaloi ke sgala kesedihan itu disingkap demi sebuah ikatan kekeluargaan?
sighh~
berbaloi..sgt berbaloi..syg sgt2 dgn family aku...
tapi berapa lama pulak aku perlukan untuk kembali menutup luka lama??
Senyuman hanya di luaran..
Tapi setiap langkah kakiku di iringi debaran seperti menunggu hukuman bunuh..
seperti mana segalanya berakhir..
seperti itu juga penghapusan perlu dilakukan..
dan setiap kaki melangkah ke tempat2 itu pasti nya membuatkan aku x berdaya..
i'm thinking too much..
i know..
tapi bila masing2 telah memilih jalan untuk tidak mengenali satu sama lain..
kuatkah aku andai terserempak dengannya lagi?
Tuhan,jauhkan dia dariku seperti mana yang dia kehendaki..
luputkn segala kenangan dan memori...
seperti mna dia dan aku x pernah saling mengenali...
HLOVATE...

that's how u n me...

Persepsi seksi kah???

Masa cuti ni..
banyak masa aku dihabiskan untuk....
TV dan buku citer... [hihihii]

juz now aku tgk citer

antara garisan....

biasala..
drama melayu...
producer die Isma yusoof yg baru dlepaskn dr pusat serenti tuu...
[OoopPPs]
cop2...org bukan nk kutuk dia laaaa....
[seee korang mesti pk bukan2 en...]
nk taw sinopsis citer die tgk kt sni..
http://www.budiey.com/drama-antara-garisan-di-astro-ria-lakonan-isma-yusoof-nadia-aqilah-bajuri/

ok2..back to the drama just now...
hmmm apa yg best sgt psl drama ANTARA GARISAN kt Astro prima tu??
hmmm BEST WOOO...rugi x tgk!!!

kalau korang yg tak tgk...
mesti tertanya2 en...
antara garisan apa??
garisan gol?garisan lawan??garisan penamat???
ATAUUUU!!!!
garisan dosa pahala???!!
*eyes rolling*

hmm to be critical..
bila tgk citer tu..
org leh relatekn yg die cuba nk sedarkn masyarakat...
nmpk sgt citer tu dia bwad lebih kurang tidak based on his true story..
wallahualam..
story[real life story] dia mayb la xde mngandung2kan anak org n zina2 ni kot..
[Hanya dia dan tuhan sja tahu..kita tak layak nk judge]
tp bleh nmpk yg dia nk ketengahkan unsur2 sifat masyarakat kita zaman sekarang ni... *OooOOopppSSs! x terlepas juga aku dan korang yg membaca okek*

dalam kes isma yusoof tu...aku rsa...mungkin die nk ckp..."okey aku da sedar kesalahan aku, kasi la chance untuk aku buktikan aku da berubah!!"....
hmm malangnya..kita masih dalam mentaliti lama...
x dinafikan..susah sebenarnya nak mengubah mentaliti masyarakat..
xyah cakap masyarakat ah..diri sniri pn lom tntu agi kita leh control untuk tidak jadi bias dan support human equality and rights.... rite????

anyway,

Dalam citer ANTARA GARISAN tuu..die citer pasal sorang ustaz yg 'POYO' nak ubah org..
kononnye dia di garisan syurga dan baik...dan watak Ayu sbgai manusia di garisan neraka or bad side gituu...

[i'm not siding any side okek???] korang kena tgk sniri ah ...

Bila tgk citer tu kan..
aku tersedar..yang tak baik nak judge2 orang...
apa juga yg dia(pihak di garisan A/B) bwad adalah urusan dia dgn Allah...
kita di garisan normal...bolehhhh nasihat klau pihak di garisan satu lg bwad slh...
tapiiiiii!!!!
Ingat..nasihat dgn hikmah....dalam islam mmg ada menyatakan

Penzina lelaki atau wanita yang telah berkahwin dikenakan hukuman rejam (lempar batu di khalayak ramai) hingga mati. Bagi yang belum berkahwin pula dikenakan hukuman rotan sebanyak 100 rotan.Firman ALLAH S.W.T:"Penzina wanita (belum kahwin) dan penzina lelaki (belum kahwin) kedua-duanya hendaklah dirotan sebanyak 100 kali dan janganlah kamu melahirkan rasa belas kasihan kepada mereka berdua hinggakan kamu tidak sanggup menjalankan hukum ALLAH jika kamu beriman ALLAH dan hari akhirat." - Surah al-Nur: 2.Menurut ''Ubbadah bin al-Somit r.a, Rasulullah s.a.w telah bersabda: "Kamu semua hendaklah mengambil (hukuman zina) daripadaku. Sesungguhnya ALLAH telah menunjuk jalan penyelesaiannya. Penzina yang telah berkahwin hendaklah dirotan sebanyak 100 kali dan direjam hingga mati. Penzina yang belum kahwin hendaklah dirotan sebanyak 100 kali dan dibuang daerah." - Hadis sahih riwayat Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Daud, al-Tirmizi, Ibn Majah. Al-Tirmizi mengklasifikasikan hadis ini sebagai hasan sahih 

agak susah sbnrnya di sini....aq kesian jgak tgk die kena pkul giler2 dlm citer tu...
tapi smua da tertulis....
itu adalah balasan atas dosa yang di lakukan....

sesungguhnya....
ISLAM itu sangat cantik....
tak terkata indahnya..
Agama Islam sangat cantik..

*berdiri di line neutral skejap*

apa juga agama yg ada di dunia ni xde yg menyokong kekerasan..
tiap2 agama mengajar untuk umat manusia berbuat baik dan menerapkan nilai2 murni yg baik kn??

tp manusia ni jee yg kadang2 beball sangat...

*ooPSss!ayat sensitip...ye..ye..x terkecuali sy yg menulis niii..dun wury..sy sedar dri sniri pn byk kekurangan*

ok2 back to psal PUKUL MEMUKUL...

secara jujurnya..aq sgt kesian tgk die kena pkul..sbb aq rsa org cam die still bleh di nasihatkan dan dibentuk lagi...tapi hukum ttp hukum en?
tapi ntahla...kdg2 bnda cam ni klau di real life...mgkn ada undang2 tertentu yang menjadi penanda aras en?
yang FUNNY nye kat sini....
bile ustaz yg bukan maen berjuang Fisabilillah tu laz2 kna tgkp 'basah kering' dgn adik Ayu ; Wida dilakonkan oleh Sh Amani..

one more thing...
Agak menyedihkan bila parents yg berzina, tetapi anaknya yg dihukum...
sepatutnya...
masyarakat da kena sedar smua ni..
yg berdosa tu ibu nya..bapa nya..
hukum jatuh kt penzina kan?
tapi dalam keadaan masyarakat kita yang da nazak skang ni...
janganla hukum anak yg dilahirkan..
macam menggalakkan cycle gejala sosial je bile x cuba slmtkn diorg....
perbuatan menghukum ni la yg dikatakan TIDAK BERHIKMAH dalam berdakwah..
konon nk sekat MAKSIAT..tp diorg x sedar ke PERANG PSIKOLOGI yang diorg maenkn TANPA SEDAR tu da bwad anak kecil tu rsa x percaya kepada KEBAIKAN DI DUNIA dan mungkin lebih truk g?
Drpd siapa benda ni perlu diubah??
hmm cakap je x guna en..
mest la dari diri sniri....

Ye laa...
cakap mmg senang...
Nak laksanakan susah...
Tapi kita perlu ubah persepsi diri sniri secara pelan2..
Pada para bakal guru...
tak mustahil nanti di sekolah nanti...
kita akan TERJUMPA situasi cm ni
therefore, kita kena prepare MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY..
Same goes for me la...

*AKU pun x PAHAM nape tetiba mlm ni nk ckp psal persepsi Masyarakat....*

Nak kata tersedar..
da lama sedar..
Cuma terasa sedihnya..
sbb sbgai manusia,
kita terlalu susah unt berubah kepada kebaikan...
Yeahhh~same goes kpada org yg menulis ni la...
x smua benda bleh diubah dlm skelip mata..
masih blajar unt mengubah diri jd lebih baik...



smua yang tertulis di sini adalah pendapat saya sendiri...i

tenang dalam lena

Dulu hatiku yang sayu menatap wajahmu tenang dalam lena - UNIC


Salahkah andai diri tak mampu melupakan segalanya?
Bodohkah jika diri masih memuja?
Kejam kah jika hatiku berkata sebaliknya?

Dia bukan begitu..
Menepati janji adalah satu perkara yang amat sukar untuk dia lakukan..
Bila aku mengharapkan dia tidak menunaikan janji2 yang terpatri...
Sebaliknya berlaku...
Teganya melangkah...
Aku masih terkesima di sini...

You are irreplaceable...
That's one thing that resemble you..

'Don't turn back if someone give you a headlight..including me'

Rasanya sekarang aku dah paham maksud dia...
hmmm........

If ever you read diz entry..
i just want you to know..
awak ibarat bintang di langit..
pernah bersinar menyinari kelam malam...
pabila sinaran kian malap..
malam kan sentiasa diterangi kerdipan bintang lain...
tapi sinarannya tak kan sama seperti sinaran itu....

FYI...
im havin a hard time setting the qualities i need for the next person..
LOL
kalau dulu..
aku yakin masih ada kebaikan atas muka bumi ni..
tapi sekarang aku da xyakin..
kualiti yang dikehendaki semuanya telah diketemui..
tetapi ia ttp x menjaminkan kejujuran dan keluhuran..
yeah~maybe tuhan nak aku sedar diz thing..
aku xleh terlalu yakin...hmm *ye ke??*
ntahla...

Masih adakah kebaikan di atas muka bumi ini?
masih ada kejujuran kah dalam hati manusia?
Luhur kah hati2 manusia dalam menempuhi hidup?
Rapuhkh jiwa manusia dalam melayari hidup?
hmmm

a big question mark in my life..
sungguh...aku x reti nk cari kualiti yg baik dalam diri seorang adam..
aku tak dapat membezakan manis bicara dan ketulusan kata...
semoga aku dilindungi dr godaan dan hasutan syaitan...

Hasutan Syaitan

hmmm

ni la yg dikatakan godaan syaitan...

Penah x korang perasan...

k2 jap...
topic hari ini ialah...

COUPLE

hmmm okek...
korank perasan x...
dlm hidup kite...
bila kita nk sesuatu tu...
xdenye kita dapat...
bila kita xnk tuuu....
yg tu laaa nk dtg sgt....

hmm cane nk relate ngan topic couple?
okek..
listen and see..
ni snanye dugaan dan hasutan syaitan...
bila kita xnk kapel...
mula la dtg bercmbah2 minx kapel...
bila kita nk sgt kapel...
jgn harap nk dpt...

ni smua keja syaitan...
nk merosakkan hati...
nk merosakkan cucu cicit nabi adam...
im not being typical smpai protes org yg kapel2 tu...
go ahead la...
u hv the rite...
tp dosa pn snri la..

ok....
aku pn x baek mna...
penah je kapel...
tp bla dlm proses nk mencuci kepala otak jadi lebih islamic....
mula la syaitan2 amek tmpt nk kusutkn hidup aku...
hmmm

AIM :

1 . not to fall in love..
2. menjaga batas pergaulan
3. mempertahankan pegangan idop... which is... hmm jeng4

mudh2an imah aku ckup tebal unt menangkis godaan syaitan..

serikla..
blom ada yg layak snanye unt cinta aku..
cewahhh
xde la..
snanye..
cinta suci hy layak unt jodoh kita...
yg laen tu smua x layak...
mudh2an kita smua mampu pertahankn cinta tu unt org yg dkategorikn sbgai jodoh kita..
cewahhh

nape aku post gni?
mesti la sbb hdp aku da kucar kacir dgn kaum2 adam yg tetiba muncul entah dari pelosok mna...
aku knl pn idak tetiba dtg ajk bercinta...
pleaseee lah..
ni smua hasutan syaitan..
be strong!!
you go girl!!!!!

family...

Location : Pantai Morib...

date : 22 nov 09

"Tiada secantik bahasamu..ku gubah lalu menjadi lagu...tidak setanding paras wajahmu itu menjadi rindu..."

sighh~

it was not plan i think..

ptg td, baek je aku layan tdow..
skt kpala dowh...
bangun je tgk2 jam da pkul 7ptg...
so ape g, aku pn trun ah kt ruang tamu lepak dgn spupu2 aku...
elok baru nk focuz kt tv..
ada org bunyikan bell rumah...

*duhh mengganggu je..*

but it is non of my bisnes..
didnt bother much pn...
still layan tgk tv..

ayish da g buka pntu da... aten da bgn berdri dpn pntu..
aku?still blurr pas bru bgn tdow..hahaha
i tot the one yg rang the bell juz now, mayb jiran diorg..
skali tekaan aku slh da...
mamat tu siap masuk smpai dlm rumah..
cis..
mmg la xde sape pn..
cousin diorg, dua pupu aku jugak..
tp sumpah segan dowh..
bkn slalu jmpa pn..
wlaupun ngam je..
tp tobat segan..
dia pn tkejut tgk aku..
nsb bek pkaian aku msh dlm keadaan sopan..
bwadnye pkai bju tdow..
sah2 malu...

agk klaka ah.. mula2 dia msuk bwad rempang je..
umah acik dia, umah paksu aku en..
slumber je la..
skali nmpk aku lepak dpn tv..trus dia terbenti dpn pntu...
haish...segan btol dia tgk aku x bertudung..
naseb bek aku trus nek atas n bersiap..
diorg ajk mkn luar...
rmai2 spupu spapat...
sbb pe aku kta slamat aku naek trus pas hafiz masuk???

*ahh neway mamat yg aku asek mention tu nma hafiz..dua pupu aku*

mna x nye, dok sat pas tu, naim plak masuk...
smua dtg...
farah,alia,naim,hafiz..kak alin pn ada...
so kitorg g lepak dinner kt pantai morib...
bagan lalang...
diorg order seafood...
duhh aku ni nk mkn seba slh..
x mkn seba slh..
nk ckp aku x mkn seafood..
segan plak...
laz2 aku mkn je la jamah sket..
skang perut ku lapar...wawawawa

aku ni da la bermslh dgn seafood..
aku ada mslh emosi
which is kesian tgk ikan kena stim ke masak ke ape ke..
kesian giler2..
x tergamak mkn...wawawawa

forget bout that..
aku still segan giler dgn diorg wlaupun dasarnya aku bwad bajet lepak je...
pas mkn kitorg jln tepi pantai...
best ah gak..
damai...
tp da xde bintang..
bulan pn xda..
hmm maybe da naseb..
redha je la...

bila lepak2 ngan diorg kn..
seyesly..
aku rsa cm rugi sgt2...
kt alor star xda family yg dkt..
spupu2 aku smua kt kl...
diorg cuti2 leh lepak skali..
tuka2 tdow umah masing2...
mkn leh skali..
lepak tgk wyg pn leh skali..
shoppink apatah lg...
aku ni???
kt alor star sengsorang..
x bergaul..
bila tgk diorg bergaul bermesra..
aku rsa sgt lah jeles..
haha ye ah..
aku kt as xdpt bwad cane aku bwad kt kl ni..
xde spupu yg aku leh rpat gurau2 kongsi rahsia..
da la kakak pn xde..abg pn xda..
xtaw nk syg sapa...
hahah
hmm mmg ah diorg kazen aku..atleast aku ada gak kazen dr xde en...
tp seyes, bla tgk diorg mesra, penuh ksh syg..
aku cemburu..
aku wonder...
bila aku akn jmpa sum1 yg mcm diorg...
care,loving,bertanggungjawab..
prihatin...
rindu la smua tu..
dlu msa kecik2...kitorg rapat je spupu..
maen skali smua...
da besar2 ni...smua da kawen la g blaja la..
da x cm dlu..
bla pas berthn2 baru nk rapat..
sumpah segan dowh...
aku rsa lost among dem..
xtaw nk ckp pe..
jadi..
aku hanya mampu tersenyum dan diam...
layan mp3 aku...
pk cane nk slesaikan mslh yg x slesai2..
haishhh
ironic tol..
sabar je la azie...
yakin ke x...
kau ttp kena yakin dgn janji tuhan..
chaiyo2~!!
smentara masih ada msa..
kna la cari ksh syg tu kn??
hmmm
ntahla...
maybe aku dtkdrkn camni kot...
mmmm

apa bisa rindu menjadi benci???

malam itu indah...
walau gelap malam kelihatan suram di mataku...
bintang tetap bersinar terang...
bulan tiada lagi menghiasi kelam malam itu...
tetapi masih ada sinar bintang di langit malam...
bayu yang berhembus ingin menenangkan jiwa yang gundah
terasa keegoan meninggi tidak ingin dilayan...
tetapi...
jauh di lubuk hati...
ku ucap salam sejahtera kepada memori2 itu...
pedihnya...
tiada terucap..
pabila kerinduan hadir..
ku gubah menjadi benci...

'jangan dibiarkan dendam memenuhi diri...'
hanya keluhan yang terkeluar..
aku letih dalam meniti kehidupan yang terlalu mencabar...
aku tidak tega dituduh perkara yang tidak aku lakukan...
harus bagaimanakah aku hadapinya?
sungguh terluka dan hancur hati saat terkenangkan segala yang terjadi...
hebatnya dugaan mu tuhan...
berikan yang terbaik agar aku kembali berdiri menjejak cintaMU ya allah...
hilangkan duka ini...
hadirkan kebencian dalam hatiku agar aku sedar siapa diri ku...
aku hanya insan lemah..
terlalu banyak kekurangan dalam diri...
tiada setanding dengan dia...
aku hanya insan biasa...
bisakah rindu bertukar benci?
berikanlah yang terbaik untuk hambamu ini Ya Allah...
panjangnya penantian...

hijab yang terbentang mungkin akan tersingkap...
sabarlah hati

kecederaan mental dan fizikal di luar tanggungjawab saya~!

life is not that beautiful after all eh??

people can judge me...people can hate me...
people can say anything about me...
say that im not dat gud after all..
well,is there any perfect people here??

you...yeah you ...the one reading my posts...
do you know me??
if you said that you are one of my closest friend, do you think you know me inside out??
how confidence are you about that??

life is not that beautiful..
this is a real world...
i know i shouldnt give up being nice to others...
but can you tell me for how much longer should i be patient?

it cant be denied...
rasullallah mengajar kita unt jd org yg bersbr dlm mnerima ujian...
i'm not dat perfect..
im learning to be a real muslimah...
hate me for who i am..
cuz i dun care...
things happen for reason...
i do have true frenz in ma life...

i dun give a damn for what u r saying at my back..
cuz, u dun costs my time..
u r not important in my life...
i do hv my own a**hole babe...
dun worie..
i am one of doz who is feeling frustrated living in this world surrounded with people who doesnt worth my time...

mine ur own business...
da pesan..jgn bca tp nk bca...kcederaan mental dan fizikal adalah tanggungjawab sendiri...
i have my own business to take care off..
one thing for sure...
i wont be da one all of you used to know me...
its not that easy..
life is hard
i'm like a butterfly still stuck in my warm cocoon...

and i wish i wont get up...
stuck rite here still waitink for miracles to happen...
HLOVATE...
LIve life love...
or life life hate??
love and hate is part and parcel of life...
nobody's perfect...
not excluding you...
everyone have their own up's n down in their life...
u dun have the rite to comment ...
but thz for thy advice..
sy akan muhasabah diri blk...
tq

MIA to GALFNI LAKE RESORT

3 days later...

'zern,where have u been?why did you off your hp?'

'babe, where are?knapa call x angkat?blk nanti,call rien blk k?'

'zern,kayzier send an email to you..where have u been dude?don't you want to read it??? :P'


what a day..when I switch on my hp,I received lots of messages from rein,trix,fie and few others. there were 100 missed calls from them alltogether. the last incident really hit me hard...but it's not that she purposely let herself missing in action...

when I was heading back to the hostel, i had received a message from my bestfriend, Jay.. asking for help. he need one volunteer to go for a consumer talk at Galfni. the trip will be for 3days and 2 night,place and food will be provided despite its free....it seems crazy..'jay,how am i supposed to get a replacement in a short time?' she was thinking hard to help her bestfriends..then few minutes later, a new message comes in 'why dont you come zern?i'll be there too.it will make things easier...'

i was thinking hard..i need peace in my life right now,,,Galfni is a nice place far away to the north of Aberon.maybe i should just follow Jay suggestion..i was hoping that the mountain and lake at Galfni will help me sort my life back..

'ok Jay...i'll go...for the sake of friendship..but please don't leave me alone k? you know how 'easy' i am to mingle with people aite?so please keh?' i was hoping Jay would agree and 80% of myself confidently said jay will agree..he seems desperate...hihihi

'ok zern...thz a lot!you save my life...i'll go and fetch you around 3.30pm...see ya..'

'okey..see ya Jay'...

2nd day at GALFNI Lake resort...

'hush now,don't shake or break...
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave...
No matter what they do or say...
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face'

the reddish light from the sunset seems warm and tender..
but still, i felt alone and cold in the warmth given by god..
why,why and why?
nobody knows..
i felt like being infected by PSTD (post-traumatic disorder)..
i can't generate my mind..
lotsa things occurs and i didnt even have my own time to reschedule my life..
pretending to be happy doesnt help a lot...
despite the shamefull accident that falls on me,
i was confused with his parents requests..
i tried to avoid him...
but...i cant...i loved him...i dun know how to live without him..
why must i sacrificed things i loved the most?
goshhh~

"oit zern!!!hihihi"

"shoot!" head tilt...laaa 'its u Jay...'

i was shocked at the sudden acknowledgement...
'merosakkan angan2 aku je...'

"what are u doing zern?its already maghrib la...we need to go for dinner at 8...and you still sitting rite here watching sunset and wanders off ur mind eh??"

'ek?' is dat really you Jay?since when you starts to be this concern?hmm common jay,i was just relaxing my mind...i'm not killing myself at this lake...

********************************
c-o-n-t-i-n-u-e

do you smell troubles coming in?

the heart that melts...

the exams hall was filled with noise buzzing from students talking and joking around...
everybodys were busy discussing on the questions just now..
without any delay, i took my bag and head to the door...

"zern!wait for me...!!" footsteps heard running towards me...as zern was pushing herself out from the examination hall, somebody tap her shoulder.it's fie..

"ohh hye fie..let's go for lunch..i'm hungry.." zern place her hand in hers and pull her to make their way...

"ehh wait up zern...my bag is still in the hall..wait for me at the stairs..i'll catch you later..."

"ok!" said zern and she made his way to the stairs first..while walking, she switch her mp3's on and take out a newspaper she bought before the exams and walks to the stairs.Five minutes has past and zern has read through page to page of the newspaper but still, she didnt see fie's face...but instead...

'clanz!oh my,why must i see his face right now...' zern felt like running away from that place.she cursed at fie's for being late..but even she managed to express her anger at fie's right now, it won't do anything...

'zern,cover your face with the newspapers!that will do...and i walk past him. he won't noticed you...' zern starts to plan her move to get past clanz..

they were just an inch away when suddenly a junior run through her and hit her hard by her shoulder and......

'oh no!my worst nightmare begins!'

"aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

*bumm!!*

"ouchh...it's hurt"

luckily it occurs at the last stairs..but...zern fall on clanz..and now she felt hurt at her knees.

" ehh sorry kak...x sengaja.." the junior give her hand to help zern.her face was fill with guilt..

while clanz frenz was laughing at us he was still numb at his place. i think my face has turn red at that time..i can still feel his hand around my waist and his eyes staring at me.

'ya allah..maluunye!zern what's wrong with you hah?!x ckup2 nk malukan diri ke?' my spirit flew together with the incident.my knees shaking and it hurt badly...'fie,where are you...aduhh'

"kak,minx maaf..x sengaja...x perasan akak td..akak ok ke?" the junior asks her to comfirm
'eshk kakak ni apsal pucat semcm jee ni'

"clanz,are you ok?here your books...take it" yen voice interrupts and pull him up.

clanz was just nodding without saying anything. the rest were still laughing at the embarassing incidents..

zern was about to make her way back when suddenly...

"hey your hp's here..."

'alamak!zern ko niiii' she turn around and look at the owner of the voice..

'erk!clanz...? chill zern chill out..'

"hmm thanks.." after hp change to her hand, she turn back to go to her car..pretending not to know him.

"zern,i'm sorry...didn't mean to...." *silent.....*

clanz, say something clanz....this is your chance!

zern : its ok...

she head back to her car and dissappears from the embarrassing scene...

no turning back..

*texting msg to fie*

'fie, i need to go first...emergency.sorry'

**********************************

i used to be loved drunk and im hung over...

*********************

'I used to be love drunk, but now I’m hung over,I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it’s just a bar fight,So don’t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye.'


"zern!your phone's ringing!"

"hmmm..i know...let it be...its just a message alert..i'll read it later.."

'I used to be love drunk, but now I’m hung over,I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night; now it’s just a bar fight,So don’t call me crazy; Say hello to goodbye.'

"hey it rang twice babe..check it..maybe something important..."

She gave a hollow gaze at her phones and a smirk to trix...then, she continue staring at the kids out there..for trix, she cant say anything else..she knows that zern is not in the mood..she always need time to recover and it is useless to talk to her at this time as she wont and wouldnt listen..

how will she listen when the musix is turn on to the max?even trix who is sitting in front of her can hear the headbanging music from her ipod..

'zern2...you always loose yourself with the music...'

to avoid boredom, trix decides to read the novel that she brings with her..

'luckily you are here my dearest books..if not, i can die in boredom accompanying zern'

then, both of them continue fleeing with their thoughts and emotions to an unknown place...
musix,books,surrounding...all that matters, anything that can help to ease their complex feelings...it will do...

suddenly....zern's was disturbed by a hand waving in front of her eyes...her imagination stops running when the uninvited hand continues waving...eyes still fixed at the children, she starts to.....

"apahal ko!nak cari pasal ke?!" 'apahal trix ni..nak kena debik ke ape kcau aku gni'

the anger before arose to the max when she is disturbed like that.eyes still on the kids...

'gilak!' that's the only words that cross her mind...when she tilt her head,

"hey cool baby...its just me...why do you look so furious?"

a firm hand wrapped around her shoulder.staring romanticly at her eyes...

dumbstruck!

'Nazrien..'

**********************

heart that missed you~

*******************************

*chup!*

"miss you baby..."

he whisper to her ears and sit next to her..his hand wrapped around her waist...trying to cool her down...

"mmm please behave rien...this is public places..it's not nice to do that.."

nazrien daniel pretend not to hear a thing and take a sip from zern's glass...

"dahaga la sayanggg" and he smile at her..

she feel embarrased with trix.Nazrien is too much..never in her life a guy kissed her.. not any dared to do so..but suddenly, the day she is in a very2 bad mood, rien had kissed her abruptly..yeah~it is nothing..juz kissing her cheek..but...

" sorry syg,i missed you sooo much..can't hold it when i saw you just now,"

'baby, wish you be mine forever..my heart beats faster when our eyes met... *smiles* i'm so just into you...'

'hmm rien, stop staring at me..you make my heart melt..gosh!why can't i be mad at you?what is soo special bout you...hmmm'

"whateva rien..i'm not in da mood...sorry..."

if it was another guy,war might have explode due to my attitude...but him....

"baby...what's wrong?tell me...it will make you feel better...did somebody hurt you?"

"forget it rien.."

"hmm come here.." he took zern's hand and hold it in his.
"let us go for a stroll...mayb it can cool you down..jom.."

"bye trix..sorry aku amek 'wife' aku jap jalan..."
"aaa kk2...go ahead..i want to go home first..take care of her..." trix smile and wink at me..

'nak kena trix ni..jga ko..'

******************************

virgin??

He's not virgin!

*gasp*

My FEAR has become a reality...
i was damn furious when i heard the story...
how could you clanz...you betrayed me...
i thought you are different..
you act like one..
but finally you proved me wrong...

trix,rein and syaz was there...
she told me bout you...

jaw dropped in disbelief..
'biar betik mamat ni cenggini...'
tried to give my sweetest and cynical smile to her story...

rein was telling me about you..the only things that enter my minds just the words engaged-owned-other courses-like-hp's num..oh shoot!WTH is she talking about...i can't generate anymore...

rein : what's up zern?why are you asking bout clanz?
zern : nothing,just curious...i've just noticed him yesterday..he looks weirds...i never knew he exists before (fake smile and giggle)
rein : ouhh..well zern, he's not available..he had already engaged...but there's one girl has a crushed on him..he told me so...did you know that girl?she's from your course la...
zern : *fake smile again* sorry i dont know anything bout it...there are hundreds people from my course aite?it is impossible for me to know all of em...hihihi
rein : oh yeah..*smile* k sorry zern,gtg...syaz is waiting for me there...daaa~

after she dissappears from my sight...
i felt as if my heart going to explode...
it beats faster than ever...and i wish i can strangle someone...

"TRIX!!!did you hear that??how could he!i thought he was different..i wish i can strangle him right away!urghh!!!shooot man!he promised me not to tell anyone about our friendship..
but now, he has mistaken my intention...what make he think that i like him?"

"err common zern,do you really believes that story?mayb she was just making up things...chill babe...forget about what happen..let us go and get an ice-cream...it is on me...common..." she hold zern's hand and drag her off from the cafeteria.. then both of them head their way to the baskin robbin and had their ice cream there...

Both of them continue talking till they arrive at the baskin robbin's. They ordered two choc's ice-cream and choose a place near the window..

zern was quite upset with the news she just received...
she likes him..he would be a great friends..but somehow, he betrayed her trust...what else can she says?life can't always be as we wanted...sometimes, we don't get what we want and sometimes, we get what we didnt asks for...that's life my dear....
whatever happen, we need to verily after each difficulties because things happen for reasons...

zern was looking out the window...with her mp3's stuck in her ears *habit*, she is trying to untangle the new crisis she had.Looking out at the pavement, she enjoyed watching little kids running here and there without any worries of real life crisis..

'god, i miss my childhood...there are zero problems to think of...i wish i can change places with them..


To be continue....

it has been quite a long time....

IT HAS BEEN QUITE A LONG TIME...

yeah..it has been quite a long time since i last blogging.
not that i didnt visit my blog.but i just dont know what to write..
hmm my exam is just around the corner..
wish me luck babeh...

well,today our institute had held a sports day tournament..
we have to get up at 5am cuz we need to assemble at 6.30am.
demn early dude..
but i doesnt mind at all..
once a year aite?:D

ouh babe,there's daggers in my heart..
it keeps pounding fast and it send me to a new feeling.
how am i suppoz to respond to this feeling?
im juz doing it for fun...
but somehow,the feelings evolves...
what should i do?

i dun want to get into trouble AGAIN!
trouble and 'trouble' are not in my list rite now.
but i juz can't resists it.
i tried to act normal.
but i fall for thy smile...
sometimes i was wondering...
what gets into me?
what's sooo special bout thy person...
i dun find him that interesting or fits into my list.
attitude?hmmm *thinking*
physically alluring *gasp!* nehhh
thy smile *yeah!!!yeah!*
buttt is dat all??
izit enof?urghh i juz cant understand myself.
lantakla...TAWAKALTU A'LALLAH

anyway,i was having fun today at the sports day...
hihihih i am sooo mean..
zie..kenapalaaa kau kuat ngusik orang?
kau nak ngusik..tapi kau malu..
kau ni pelikklaa...
aduyaii...

good news... i was having fun watching him taking part in most of the event...
*gasp* he wass soo demn good and atheletic...cant be denied...even my rumate oso agrees with me..hakhak *evil laugh*
ijay told me about his participation in one of the events...
jeng2 >:)) my evil horn suddenly appears from nowhere...
*best ni ngusik...naseb kau laa blalang..spa suh pemalu sgt...*

monolog dalaman:

tapi tepk jugak la...
apa la kau zie..ada ke kau g kcau anak teruna org..
tebalik da ni...da xde keje laen nk usik anak org?

*laughing*

common babeh..tak kan nk usik anak beruang en...beh bek usik anak org..atleast x kna cop gila...haha
i do care bout people's perception or to be true, his perception of my way in introducing myself...well, i loved to be different...*kna tanggung lerr*
izit wrong to make fwenz?xkn?
usik x bermakna suka smpai thp nk bercinta en?
aku ske je usik nuaq,ijay...tp x becinta pun. *sorry nama naek* :D
bkn diorg je mangsa aku...
yana,ean,nine,abg hensem,hyst,sue,hafiz,emir,ekhsan,ody,faez,nuaq,rizal,yanie...
haa amek smua list..
smua mangsa aku nyakat..
pakcik2 aku pn kna taw..

tapiiiii
one thing yg bosan dgn typical men ni...
asal sembang sket mula la prasan nk ngorat..
eshk2 common babeh..
we are living in 21st century..
there's no such thing anymore...
and dont be prejudice towards women and dont practice inequality...*cewahhh ayat ss n es ni*
x smua perempuan sma meh...

hey buddy...i juz wanna be frenz with u..
tapi 19thn hidup di bumi ALLAH swt ni...
andalah manusia yang paaaaaaaaaling sombonk kot?and susah nk dibuat kawan...
slalunye klau zie sniri open nk be frenz with sum1...cepat je mesra..
but you??
ohhh my god..
anak raja pun x sombonk n susah unt didekati cam u...
aku yg pelik atau dia yg pelik?
eshk2

kee cara aku stat persahabatan salah?
aku x ske la old style nye nk bersahabat.
aku bukan pkai cara face to face jumpa saying 'hye!nak kenal leh?my name ...'
LAME gilerrr... i do it my STYLE...
u ni lack sense of humour ke ek?
liat tol...lagi liat...laaaaaaaagiiii nak kcau...:D
ada sethn g!kna rncg unt satu thn nye plan ni...

hak2
ok2 that's gud news..i was having fun teasing him..
what i did??ouhh let it be my secreto myamor... ;)

bad news!!!!
shoot man...
IDENTITI TERBONGKAR!!!
sshoot!!!shoot!!!shoot!!!shoot!!!
maluuuuuu seh....
dia da taw...mslhnya...dia pura2 tak tahu...
betul2 la kura2....
kura2 dalam perahu..pura2 xtahu...
pas tu mesti dia judge aku nya prangai...eshk2
xleh bwad gila2 da...malu2
aku keliru menjadi buntu...
eh tu lagu...:D
errr tp btol la..
aku keliru...
aku pun nk pura2 tak tahu dia tahu keee
aku bwad cam aku tahu dia tahu...
ngeeee

which one is more fun ek?
yang mna lebih risky and most important, its fun and can make a great memories???
hmmmm

what will happen if i tell him that i knew he knew who i am...?
a) the frenship wen dull?
b) i'll loz interest to make fwen with him?
c) we will stop being fwen?
d) we will pretend not to know each other again?

aaaa tu je ke ek consequences die?

wut if i pretend that i didnt know that he knew which one is me?
ngeeeeee

a) the games continue *of coz*
b) continue teasing each other?
c) he will continue 'evaluating' ma attitude? *x leh biar..*
d) he'll start making rumours bout me?? *ohhh no!!!mati die aku pancunk*
e) ada pendapat kah wahai saudara saudari pembaca??

sila tinggalkan pendapat...ngee

hidup tanpa teman ibarat hidup tanpa senyuman dan tangisan...
uuuuu~mendalam seh..

biar sakit,asalkan bermakna..
biar sedih asalkan bersama..
saat awan mendung berlalu..
kan ku peluk sang pelangi
hiasan tika kita bersuka...

frenz mean frenz babeh...xlebih x kurang...
senyum sokmo!
kdg2 ada hati yg terhibur dgn senyuman kita...
besarnya pahala buat org laen terhibur...
wlau teda niat..tapi andai gembira hadir mengganti duka...
we should embrace it

"sesungguhnya tidak beriman seseorang kamu yang tidak menyayangi manusia laen sperti saudaranya sendiri..."


no prejudice are aloud!

S-T-E-A-M-R-O-L-L-E-R-

right now, i am suppoz to do my reflection on ss video clips..
i already extract all the points but i kinda blank in writing the introduction...
hmm maybe i can put the videos in here one day...hiii


last three days...

i was in PULAKOR IPSAH...
it was fine and fun..
got the chance to mingle with the KPLI seniors..
first impressions, i thought they were the boring kindof person...
and me myself didnt make the first move to get to know them cuz of their origins..
zzz yeah2 i'm becoming prejudice..
terasa sangatttlaa fobia to get to know them cuz 99% of the KPLI in the KRS are SABAHANS..
i juz cant stand their dialect etc2...
it reminds me of stg that i dun want to remember nymore...
shoot man..it was hard for me...
tried to avoid them..
but they are too nice...
they always greet me and smile and jokes around...
it makes me feel ashamed of my attitude...
being snobbish without reason...

so, after putting up our tent, i went and help the seniors with the gadget and tried to

chit-chatting with em...it went fine..
we sat together and talking and joking to break the ice...and few minutes after that, i was

joined with sue and ridz..

The seniors are fun to be with...
they loved to tease and smile...
soo nice of them...
slowly,my tense starts to fly away...
at that time, there were kak marliana,kak nicolete,kak irene, jhony,alexson,whilethshire

and errr some more...can't remember their name plus dont know how to spell their name...
hihihih

the climax of our memories would be the STEAMROLLER!!
the one that i wont never forget...
hihihi
guess what??
all the KRS members were late to kuliah subuh at so called dewan...
in fact none of us go...hihihi
we just pray in our own tent.. :D
without any guilt ouh...
soooo,after mornink assembly, we were called by tuan nor azam and incik mat salleh i

think...x engat sudah spa yg ada d stu...

we were asked to run to the corner of the what we called 'lapangan kawat'...
and we were forced to lie on the ground with our full uniform...
hahah
and guess what happen next???

.................................

.......................

.................................

.......................

heee we were given static command while lying on the ground...rolling here and

there...backward left and right...though its quite hurt cuz all my hp's and mp3 was in my

pocket while i need to roll around, but it is fun...

then we were asked to fly at 30000 feet from air plane...
hahah juz 'FLY' in our mind meh...
hands and legs on the air...rolling left and right....
for about 50 m i can say?
dunno la...too many rolling here and there...

hihihii it was demn fun dude..
u wont get it anywhere else..
who was that lunatic who purposely want to lie on the tar and rolling2 like lil bugsy?
none aite??

:)) but we did...in teams yoo....
and its fun...

then the night before our rollersteam was on,
we need to prepare a performance...
and we comes out with tarian sumazau...
we change the lyrics and we dance...
some sang and some dance....
and i just want to help the dancers with the costumes...

i know how to dance that tarian la...
but i can't dance...
still felin fragile inside...
if i was in the dance line..
i am afraid i would burst out in front of the audience...
listening to the sabahan's chit chatting also already flew me farrr across the sea...
inikan pulak nak menari..
ayooyooo
nda tahan jua bha..
i was praying hard that afternoon that i can enjoy their performance that nite..
and luckily my pray is heard...
i was having fun watching them dancing that nite..
and i managed to seal my mind from wandering farr farrrrr away...
duduk diam2 dlm kotak minda..jgn merayap g peti minda yang laen..
and luckily..minda saya duduk diam2 cam tikus..
hakhakhak

i do feel lucky inside..
while i was on the bus heading to IPSAH...
ekhsan called me..
and finally i managed to spill everythings out...
naseb baek time tu berhenti rehat unt breakfast..
so i ran towards the nearest tree and hid there while talking to ekhsan...
tears rolling again i think but not so hard
finally i think i found the right person to talk to...
why??
because we were in the same boat..
he know how i felt cuz he used to face the same thing i am facing right now...
ekhsan advices at that time...

Xsan :zie,juz cried...for once..nanges puas2..pas tu jgn ingat dah...
kita xleh bwad papa...ekhsan tahu apa azie rasa..ekhsan pun kna yg sma at ur age...
kita hanya leh bersabar..kita x leh wat papa sebab dia xnk berusaha dan it involves

family...

azie : 'tapi san..sakit sgt nk hadapi..azie xtahu nak bangun balik cane..nk berguling pun

da x reti ni...rasa dia x sama cam yang biasa2..'

Xsan : *laughing* slowly la makcik...kwn2 ada..family kita ada...

azie : 'san da jumpa esya..dia baek...'

Xsan : 'hihi amek sethn dua gak zie...bukan senang...juz live ur life first...forget

everything..sabaq...tu ja yg kita leh bwad..'

hmmm then suddenly line hilang..so terputus perbualan...

but it was more than enof..cuz he knew how i felt...
and i already promised to ezyani and ekhsan...
i will forget everything and move on..
no more tears...
he doesnt deserve anything from me...
whatever his reasons are..he doesnt deserve me...
he already make a big mistakes by not being true to me...

true frenz will owez be there whenever we need em...
xsan,yanie,ody,faez,anware,hyst,abe ensem(rumate), and rmai g.
true frenz will owez hear u talk wlaupun we keep repeating the same things...
they will owez try to make us feel better inside out..
and for that,only god can repay ur deed..

bila rasaku ini rasamu

Bila rasaku ini rasa mu...
Benci aku benci..
sakitnya aku membenci kamu..
sakit lagi menyintai kamu...

ada sahabat yang berkata..
andai kita ikhlas merindu...
hati yang satu lagi juga akan merindu...
masih ada connection kah?

bicara dengan sahabat baru itu membuatkan jiwa ku sedikit bergetar...
rasa yang aku takut seolah-olah datang kembali..
kalau saja ada serigala untuk menghalau rasa itu...
mungkin hati akan lebih tenang...
pernah dulu aku selesa dengan getaran yang hadir..
pernah saja aku mengharapkan getaran itu untuk selamanya...
tapi sekarang aku x tahu...
aku nak..tapi bukan begini caranya..
rasa getar yang manis tetapi aku terasa takut untuk merasai nikmatnya...

Aku x sabar untuk mengasingkan diri..
hanya tinggal beberapa hari sebelum pergi dari dunia yang bising ini..
dah lama aku x mengadap bintang dan berbicara dengan alam..
rinduuunya...
biar saja bintang jadi ganti kalau itu bisa mengubat luka di hati...
ku harapkan pemergian kali ini dapat memberi ketenangan saat aku dan bintang berbicara...
tuhan..berikan aku yang terbaik...dan jauhkan aku dari perkara buruk yg x di ingini...

sesuci embun kah?

3 oktober membawa sedikit perubahan dalam hidupku...
Aku tidak mencari mereka...
mereka yang mencari aku...
Aku tidak berusaha mencari kebenaran...
tetapi KEBENARAN yang datang kepadaku...
Aku tidak menolak..aku juga tidak menerima...
Cuba untuk redha dan yakin dengan hikmah tuhan...

Bukan ingin mencari salahnya...
Tetapi lagi aku mengetahui kisah sebelum dan selepas..
Aku lebih tenang..sebab ia mampu membuatkan ku terbang lebih jauh...
saat terpandangkan dashboard yang berlatarkan rama-rama..
aku juga terasa seperti ingin terbang tinggi dan bersinar seperti rama2...
terbang tanpa rasa kecewa.
walaupun jauh di sudut hati..aku sangat kecewa dgn sikapnya...
tidakkah dia pkirkan andai sgala yang terjadi ini berlaku kepada ibu dan kakaknya?
tiada rasakah di hatinya?
bayangkan sja andai kakak dan ibunya diperlakukan seperti itu..
tidakkah dia kecewa melihat kekecewaan mereka?
aku bersedih unt iera,ain,kakaknya dan ibunya serta semua wanita yang mngenalinya..

Sebagai manusia..aku hanya mampu menasihati..
tapi aku x daya mengubahnya...
sebagai manusia...jangan lah kita hanya mengkritik manusia lain..Andai ada salah di pihaknya...
Berusahalah untuk mengubah dan menyedarkan mereka...
bertindak dengan anggota,lisan dan hati...
Selemah-lemah iman adalah mengingkar dgn hati...
selagi termampu,selamatkan lah insan yang kita sayangi...

Tidak beriman seseorang manusia andai ia tidak menyayangi manusia lain seperti dia menyayangi dirinya sendiri...

Hati,tawakal dan bersabarlah..
Akan ku titipkan doa agar kau mnyedari kesilapan yang kau dah lakukan..
tidak hina seseorang itu andai dia meminta maaf dan mnyedari kesilapannya..
malah dia akn disanjung tinggi kerana kejujurannya...
Yakin,Berusaha,Bertawakal dan pasrah dengan ketentuan tuhan..
Semoga tuhan merahmati kalian...

wasiat ke

'music kiss my life..you are my sweetest nightingale but i can't hear you here no more...'

i had a dream..
once that bother me a lot..
feeling dumbsy for awhile after waking up...

*WTH was i dreamin just now??!!*

i took 30 min to generate my mind...
it affected me...
i'm afraid if it turn to reality..
cuz if it happen,i dont know how to deal with it...
i wish i can kill...
but in the dreams..me myself was just standing at the corner and stare in disbelief...

9o'clock....(p.m)

hyst,honey,abe ensem,ulwise and me went to LIVERPOOL at batu lancang..
suddenly feeling like eating its nasi lemak..
we choosed to sit at the open place/air...
nice weather tonite..
but the moon is blocked by the cloud...
somehow,while i was bz gorging myself...
my head tilt up...
where's the star??

*hmm there it is..*

there's only one star visible to my sight...
solemnity feel my lungs...

i dun know what i feel..
afraid..angry...sad...annoyed..hatred...and loved are all combined together...
today, i managed to finish my novel written by Xarine - bintang-bintang ke syurga...

lovey-dovey islamic novel...it helps me a lot in 'uslah-ing' myself and 'usrah-ing' my self... (apa punya bahasa la aku bedal en..:D)

sangat best...novel tu la...
tapi bila baca novel tu..
ada satu rasa yang hadir.
yang buat aku takut..
tatawu nk ckp cane..
rasa tu bergetar hebat tatkala baris2 ayat dalam novel tu aku baca...
adakah ini jawapan kepada istikharah ku?
wallahualam..
the story,the characters,the message,the characteristics and the fate that lies beyond...
make me feel struck by the sentence...
aku x bersedia lagi..
aku cuak gila *h1n1* skang ni...

aku x berani nak mengambil risiko..
tapi aku takut..
sangat2 takut...
hati tetiba gelisah x sudah smpaiii skang...
masa MARD call,rasa tenang sket sbb terlari perhatian....
tapi skang hati aku kembali rasa berdebar2...
seperti ada something yang akan terjadi...
aku takut giler...
kalau jadi pape kt aku..
tolong repot polis ek..
huhuhu

Tribute tribunal..hakhak

Salam Ukhuwah dan moga sesiapa yang membaca entry ku kali ini dilimpahi rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah...

Rasanya sekarang aku da okey sket kot...
x rasa sakit sangat...
Kena yakin dengan Allah dan sentiasa bersangka baik...
Besar hikmah orang yang bersabar..
tika aku dilambung badai..
ada beberapa orang sahabat yang setia memberi sokongan moral..

oh ya..my entry today will be about my friends..
a little tribute to them..
nutink much i can do to show my appreciation right?
:)

xnk puji diorg ni sgt2..kang kembang x kempis..
tapi sesungguhnya..
these guys have been with me through ups and down...
Sabar mendengar dan melayan karenah aku..
kadang2..diorg xtaw aku nga tensyen..
tapi diorg pandai bwad lawak kasi aku happy...
i loved them soo much...
ya know wut?kdg2 kita x perlukan org unt mengetahui apa mslh kita..tp ckupla andai kawan itu sudi meluangkan masa bersama dan berkongsi kegembiraan yang dia ada dan menderma sket kegembiraan dia tu kt kita...
cuba pk?? :D

I start with the Oldest buddy..:D

Yanie
sayang,wlaupun ang dgn aku jarang berjumpa walau rumah sekangkang kera je..tapi ang tetap kawan baik aku dunia akhirat lah..x contact,x makna aku lupa..xkn dpt dilupai..
being with u, i feel safe and sound...no need to brag..u know how to sooth me..with your attention,i feel your love to me..(as fren la..we're GIRL friends..ahakz)

Nine
hey cik lawyer..anda seorang yang sangat2 positif..i missed u soo demn much..whenever i feel down,i wish you're near..to motivate me and make jokes...rinduuu sgt2 kt u...teruskan bersikap positif...jadi laen dr yg laen..terlalu ramai yang bersikap negatif...kehadiran u dapat memberi impak yang besar terhadap org skeliling taw..sayanggg ang...

Nik
Nikkk...walau kita cam anjing ngan kuceng..the clashh between account and english...tp lepak ngan ang mmg best..x lengkap idop klau xleh kcau idop ang..i missed our old times...do missed me too sahabat.. ;)

Hafiz
hey sahabat...kita kenal da lma..kita hanya virtual bestfren..we only meet after six years aite?but u r my bestfren..sapa ckp klau berbeza jantina xleh jd bestfren?asalkan kita tetapkan niat..insyaallah dilindungi pe...azie sentiasa doakan kebahagiaan Hafiz dengan insan terchenta.. :) Thz sbb bila azie tensyen ke ape ke..hafiz ngan emir slalu teman azie mkn,minum,lepak...thz for being very sporting... :)

Ody
ohhh incik ody...Get well soon ek?jangan rabakkan tgn anda lagi...klau anda xcident sy risau..:( spe nk mainkan gitar kt sy lgi...hihihi anda abg terbest lah incik ody...sporting and rock!klaka tahap asbestos...klau stress,carik je anda and faiz..kompem mengalir air mata gelak...hakhak tapi klau carik anda time happy2...lagi menggila la jadiknya..jawabnya x sudah2 la kita berYM and bergayut...:D ngee thz ek for being my frenz..thz sudi mainkan lagu2 ciptaan anda dan sudi menjadikan saya sebgai pendengar pilihan..ceewahh!ahakz!lagu2 anda yang metal tu mampu menenangkn jiwa gak sbnrnya..anda sgt berbakat... hope that god bless u.. :) smoga berjaya dalam kerjaya anda dan minat anda..AND!!! thz sebab sudi berjaga just unt kejut azie sahur walaupun baru pas accident..tacing ah..u ah buat i tacing..tp u rox bro..

Faiz
faizzz...ko la ikanbrutal89 yg sukaaa sgt nyakat aku en...sehari x usik aku..bukan kau la tu...we go through thick and thin, ups n down... kita gaduh,kita baik..kita benci..kita sayang...ahakz!sayang kawan la en..ko klau x sayang aku,tu maknanya ko carik penyakit kudis x pun patah tulang temulang...hak2..aku dgn kau...plg best sbb otak kau gila2..cam tuan dia ek..senteng 180 darjah...hikhik tapi yer ar..ko pun antara sahabat terbaik aku ada...slalu support aku dgn idea2 gila aku.layan pangai aku en..aku geram gak ngan ko..tp ko bestfren aku..lma mna nk benci en.. :D live well faiz... remember ALLAH...never give up on HIM...Ingat,besar hikmah orang yang bersabar dgn dugaan yang Allah hamparkan...
Tuhan uji,tuhan sayang taw?

Ekhsan
pakcikk...pakcik ah pakcik yang paling kewl stakat ni...da lah pangkat pakcik...tapi otak pun sma gilaa dgn ody and faiz...pakcik punya nasihat dan motivation sgt bernilai ouh...pakcik cam menggantikan nine dlm hidup sy...bila smbg ngan pakcik...hilang rasa sedih...:D moga pakcik berbahagia dgn Esya...


Anware
kita kawan..kita spupu...tu yg best...when u dont know where to turn to,u always have ur family by yourside... tq hadi...for lending your ear,your heart and anything lah..hak2...kau xde la kewl sgt...:P biasa2 je...ko agak seyes..tp dlm seyes ada laaa jugak gila2 kau tu.. :D live well...learn to make decision eh?sayang kau...

Hyst
u r like my big sista...terlalu caring and passionate...dan gila2..hiiii mayb sbb kita sama2 anak tunggal...kita paham perasaan masing2....
u pun cam menggantikan nine dlm my life..always motivate me and make me realize the god presencement.. (err btol ke?:D) bila dgn kak hyst, azie akan tersedar dari duka yang larut...azie jadi kuat balik..dgn kak hyst, azie yakin azie perlu jadik azie yang dulu supaya xda sapa sakitkan azie lagi...kita sama2 rasa kekecewaan dan kesedihan dan kegembiraan yang sama walau cerita berbeza...jadi kita tahu kenapa kita perlu jadik gtu... tq sbb care psl azie....

Rizal
ijay...ko pun kwn bek aku seh...wlaupun ko bz kalah PM en...aku salute ko la...byk2 bersabar taw?tuhan saaaaayang ijay..tuhan communicate dgn kita melalui ujian dan dugaan...maka,berbahagialah hati...lepak ngan ko,azie rasa tenang and santai..mayb sbb kita da kenal lama..n da biasa lepak sama2 since UiTM en...i missed dat moment la buddy...bila tensyen blaja ke bosan ke ape ke...kita beli eskrem lepak2..cam bebudak..tapi rasa bebas and alive...
wahh tacing plak...ko jgn nanges plak ek? ;)

Ean
ean pun kawan bek azie..tp kita da lma x contact...bz ek?hope ean sihat2 dan baek2 aje...live well...azie x penah lupa ean..cuma kesibukan menjadi hijab antara kita... :( live well jugak unt ean...

Yana
yanaaaa...rindu yana..dlu yana rajin msg n smbg ngan azie..skang senyap sepi....yana blaja kt ne skang agknye en?azie x penah lupa yana... hope yana pun x lupa azie..

abg arn
ohhh bro...lu maintain rock and kewl...big bro paling sporting...nutink to talk..u know how i appreciate your presence,adik's and kakak's in my life...be a manusia...berjaya kerana allah taala...da berjaya jgn lupa blanja...blanja mama skali ngan tok pah..kita lepak2 bwad bbq unt next bday kita.. :D

Sue
terforward bwh plak nma sue..heheh sorry....sue kwn baek azie jugak..sue,hyst and anware yg slalu hold azie on the ground....syggg korang....klau xde su...mmg bosan hidup azie..xde sape nk lwn angkat kening...xde sape nk lawan gado2 usik2 da dgn azie...:D live well.. moga berbahagia ngan bagan...

*tgh pk spe g yg azie lupa nk mention...hmmm pape pun,korang tahu smada korang bermakna atau x dlm hidup azie..azie saaaayangg korang....

korang tahu x??korang xkn dapat dicarik ganti...xleh dijual beli...korang saaaaangat special...in your own way of coz....klau xde korang,my life would be soooooooo demn dull lah...tq ek?sbb sudi kawan ngan azie..trima azie seadanya..always be there during ups n down...

*azie ada rindu someone lagi..farah a.k.a orange_girl and lupa plak...adik ku shahrul izwan....heeee and haaa KC,ANISDZ,SHED,CIK MARD,REMY,MARD N rmai sgt klau nk mention ni..:D live well k kawan2?saaaayang korang sgt2..."

ayat klaka tahap bumper raya

Noodle station - lepas tensyen..

"e...penat la nk ckp byk...klau nak,amek la..."

tergelak aku bca status di ym dia...
bajet aku hadap sgt dkt manusia yang x tepati janji?
yang x reti menghargai org??
g brambus ah..
sh** giler...
klau hulur 10 org gtu,sket pun aku x heran la..

ye sy dgn sni...dgn rendah hatinya..
sy ngaku sy silap menilai manusia..
kita perlu berbaik sangka..
tapi baik sangka sangat2 pun makan diri jugak..
human can't be trusted..especially men!
blah ah...

bintang di syurga

kini malam yang suram benar2 menemaniku...
walau bintang bertebaran berkongsi cahaya denganku,
tiada terlihat lagi keindahannya di pandangan...
setiap kali ku ulang tatap warkah mu..
hatiku semakin tebal disalut rasa benci...
jijik rasanya memikirkan apa yang berlaku
rasa yang telah sekian lama aku elak dari bertandang...
kini tiada daya untuk ku tepis..
rasa ini terlalu sukar..
kenyataannya..engkau dan dominic adalah sama...
kenapa aku perlu berjumpa manusia2 seperti kau dan dominic?
i hate u...
i hate u soooo demn much!
cant say anything else...
i just hate u..
for the lies that u keep for this long...
i hate u for making me look like a fools..
i really do hate you...
i dont want to see your face ever again...nor your voice...
just get out from my life...
u destroyed my trust and faith....

kini dendam yang tak terhapus telah memakan diri awak sendiri...
semoga ini menjadi pengajaran dalam hidup dia...

sesungguhnya pada ketika ini..
aku x de selera nak makan..
since last nite perut kosong..
tapi terasa kenyang..
hebatnya penangan dia..
bukan tidak ingin menjamah..
tapi setiap kali teringatkan segalanya..
walau secebis ingat bertandang...
aku terasa jijik yang teramat..
setiap kali ingin mengisi perut yang meminta belas dari ku..
tekak ku tidak mampu menerima...
nak termuntah pikirkan semua yang terjadi....
Tahniah..
awak berjaya bwad sy jijik dengan awak..

hijab yang terbuka...

tak tahu apa yang patut diluahkan..
sesungguhnya kenyataan itu menyakitkan...
mereka orang yang sama...
tak tahu nak rasa apa...

sesekali rasa cam nak marah diri sendiri sbb bodoh sgt...
sesekali rasa cam nak orang yang mencari masalah...
ntahla...terkedu aku dengan berita tu...
rasa cam langit menghempap diri...
hujan turun tanpa dipinta...
masa tu yang aku ingat, hyst and faez...
i need help..
aku da xleh control anger...
g bilik hyst..die xde
last2 amek kputusan g amek air smayang n solat...

tp rasa tu terlalu baru..
dalam sembahyang...
mengalir air mata...
rasanya x khusyuk aku sembahyang...
tapi aku cuba untuk khusyuk...
sambil mulut terkumat kamit membaca surah....
air mata tak henti-henti mengalir...
sakit yang ku rasakan terlalu berat...
sudah puas aku mengadu pada tuhan..
sedikit lega...

tapi 5 min kemudian..rasa tu dtg kembali...
allahuakbar.istighfar azie..
bwa bersabar..
tuhan x uji hambanya di luar kemampuan...
telefon aku capai dan num faiz di dail...
sampai habes kredit aku luah...
masih x lega....
hati x henti2 beristighfar untuk tenangkan jiwa...
tapi kenyataan terlalu memahitkan...
aku puasa ari ni..
tapi sampai saat aku menulis blog ni..
aku masih belum makan apa2...
aku kenyang dengan sendiri...
hanya seteguk 100 plus aku bedal...
untuk berbuka..
ntahla...
tuhan,berikan aku kekuatan....
Kenyataan yang terlalu pahit...
bukan kerana terlewatkan..
tetapi terasa kebodohan diri sendiri yang terlalu mengasihani manusia..
adakah itu ciri2 akhlak yg buruk?
aku terlalu mengasihani manusia sehingga aku terlalu sakit...
entry kali ni... menyampaikan kesedihan yang x terucap...
aku menuliskan kesedihan...
dahan yang telah rapuh..
menjatuhkan aku dan melukakan aku terlalu dalam...
aku tak jumpa pemegang yang kukuh untuk aku berdiri dan meneruskan perjalanan....
Selamatkan jiwaku Ya Allah..
Engkau maha mengetahui lagi maha mengasihani...

ketika ini

sedih mulanya
Jikalau kamu tiada lagi di sisi
Wujud bezanya
Keadaan itu bertukar akhirnya
Sunyinya rasa
Yang sebenarnya di sini engkau tiada
Senangnya rasa
Mengingati masa dia ada bersama

Cerminkan aku ketika ini
Yang kaku setelah pecah

Ketika ini kurasa kehilanganmu
Ku mahu imbasi keadaan itu
Ketika ini ku rasa kehilanganmu
Ku mahu ingati keadaan itu lagi

Senangkah engkau
Sekiranya tiada aku jelma
Kuatkah kamu
Kalau tiada menunjukkan arah
Berdirilah kau
Agar yang disebelah kamu bantu
Sedihnya rasa
Hatiku mengundang masa kau masih ada

Cerminkan aku ketika ini
Yang kaku setelah pecah

Ketika ini kurasa kehilanganmu
Ku mahu imbasi keadaan itu
Ketika ini ku rasa kehilanganmu
Ku mahu ingati keadaan itu

Kelip terakhir
Buat mataku
Kita layari
Cakerawalamu

Hanya sunyi disisiku
Sehingga kita bertemu
Hanya suci ditanganku
Hingga kita bertemu

Ketika ini kurasa kehilanganmu
Ku mahu imbasi keadaan itu
Ketika ini ku rasa kehilanganmu
Ku mahu ingati keadaan itu lagi

*apa pun terjadi..bersangka baiklah dengan tuhanmu...Ujian tanda sayang...Tuhan kasihkan kita...berserah lah pada yang Esa...*